So my baby will be 10 months old on the 7th, I love her to death, but there’s a part of me that wonders why we did this. I waited so long for her, I wanted to have her a long time ago but my husband wasn’t ready. When he finally was ready, it took 2 years to conceive her. I’m well into my 30’s now and I feel like this is the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I’m a SAHM with little help. My husband works long hours and has to work a weekend every so many weeks. We are extremely far from Family and have only had 1 night off since my baby has been born ( when my parents were visiting and my baby was only 4 months old) She is a very fussy baby and always has been. She’s only happy when my husband is home. I think it’s because she prefers him, but my husband thinks she just wants both of us to be home at the same time. She still is not sleeping through the night. she has done it a few times, but we’re still getting up with her anywhere from 1-3 times a night. She doesn’t nap for shit! I only get 2-30 minute naps a day, even when I know she’s still tired. She goes to bed around 7 because that’s the time we’ve found to be best for her. I feel guilty when at the end of the day, she’s finally in bed, it’s my favorite part of the day, bc I know at least for a few hours, I get somewhat of a break. There’s many days I don’t know why I ever wanted this for myself. All I ever wanted was to be a mother and to stay home with my baby and now that I have it, I regret it most days because I’m losing my mind. I’m angry all the time, I cry daily and I’m beginning to become resentful of my husband who gets to leave the house everyday and get away from this. He’s getting to the point where he doesn’t know what to say or do anymore bc he can’t help me when I need it. I feel like my family doesn’t believe me when I say how difficult she is, because they aren’t around to see it. All I know is, I’m losing my mind and becoming a mother I never wanted to be. I have no time to take care of myself. I’ve gained a ton of weight, I look like shit all the time. I also have OCD about keeping a clean house so that isn’t helping. Even though I’ve let some things go, it still really bothers me and I probably should be letting more things go but I just can’t. So anytime my baby does finally fall asleep, my time then goes to whatever needs to be cleaned, instead of towards myself. I’m so unhappy right now, and I know this should be the happiest time of my life. So why don’t I feel like it is?..............