BAD DATES 🚫😭

Hello everybody! ❤️

We’re WAY past due on sharing our embarrassing stories!! All of the posts have been heavy and upsetting! So let’s please share some funny stories we laugh about!

I’ll start.

I started talking to Freddy on social media through mutual friends. He had a son the same age as mine. And he needed help as a single father with babysitting. So we exchanged info and planned a play date for our boys! We hit it off more than expected but tried to keep it cool and professional.

I start to babysit overnight which is common for the other kids I babysit. So my house is full of kids most weekend nights. His son is with me 2 nights a week! We decided to go grab breakfast one morning. We hit it off. The sexual tension is HIGH! But we take it really slow. We just date casually for a few months. One night at work, he’s called off earlier than expected. He also lives a good 45mins away from me. So his commute is kind of long. And it was around 3AM. I tell him to come crash on the couch with his son until the next morning. “No biggie. Don’t wake up your son and get some rest until the sun comes up..” all good.

A set of siblings I watch had a stomach bug, but they’re only about 6 months old and we’re fine the day before so I figured it was their sensitive baby bellies upsetting them.

Freddy gets to my house. I let him in. We get caught up at the door, making out- heavily.

We just do some foreplay quietly while the house was asleep. I felt my stomach turn. HARD! To the left and then down. I could feel the pressure in my anus build up like a 2011 cup stacking competition.

I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I sat down. And barely made it. I pooped my guts out. I ran the sink but I’m sure he heard what went down. I needed to shower after this. No ply amount could help me in this situation. So I’m embarrassed as hell. His boner probably tucked back into his butt cheeks like a sad puppy when he heard my ass explode. I came out of the bathroom. I think he pretended to be asleep.. so I laid down in my bed.. mortified!

Well, that cute little baby tummy upset decided to make a sweet appearance again just a short while after. I RAN into the restroom. Sat down. And start to release. But this time from my mouth. I started to puke all over my lap.

I rush, just up, and turn around. Facing the toilet and heave vomit into the toilet. But oh no, it doesn’t stop there.. my ass fires off like a fucking volcano..

I’m shooting liquid lava out of my ass at an extreme PSI level. So I turn around again. To catch the poop into the toilet and I’m still puking. I mean... what do you want to clean?? Poop or vomit?? Neither right? So I go to grab the trash can. Great job, “Big Lot Brooke..” you went the cheap route and used an office paper bin as a trash can so the holes aren’t much help!! The bin is leaking puke. I finally come to. And remember that FINE ASS FREDDy is out there sleeping on my sofa!!!!

I’m frantic, cleaning up the restroom. You guys, I have to throw away my bathroom rugs!! It was THAT BAD! I shit on the walls. Under the sink. Behind the toilet. I’m trying to bag everything up and sneak through the living room to the kitchen to grab trash bags. I grab the cleaning solutions I have a start to scrub. Mind you, I’m sick as hell at this point!! I managed to clean very good. And shower. Whew!

I see the sun coming up. I close my eyes and start to fall asleep.

I feel the bubbles again. They’re back 😭 I’m thinking this stroll to the toilet will be small and quick. I have to be empty by this point!!

I run back to the bathroom. But this time, I remembered to store some plastic bags near the sink. So I’m ready. Both ends sound off. All good. I got this. I remember standing up, flushing the remains good by.. they stood no chance with this preparation.

And again. I erupt full force. I blew down to my legs. Throw up into the toilet. I’m grabbing the trash bag and trying to open it up over my ass. And puke hands free at the same time I to the toilet while standing. I couldn’t kneel down. My body was so tense. I feel pain on the side of my head by my temple..And then blackness.

I wake up idk how many hours later in the ER. They tried to clean me up as best as possible. I was drenched in sweat, poop, and vomit. That last bodily malfunction was strong enough to make me black out, crack my head on the corner of the sink vanity and get a concussion. Where are my kids?? Where is Freddy? What the fuck happened??

FINE ASS FREDDY walks into my hospital room. He says the restroom is a mess still and I was naked from the waist down when he found me. But he tried to wipe me off and get me covered up before the paramedics arrived. I was laying in so much shit, unconscious, and just a bio hazard..he said he couldn’t stomach cleaning the floor and walls but tried to. I was shocked he was there with me. Our kids were waiting for me also. He followed the ambulance to the hospital.

We’re still together til this day! 😂😳 This is probably the worst experience I’ve ever had while dating somebody. EVER!