Divorcing a narcissist

My husband and I have been married for 4.5 years and together over 6. We have a 1 year old daughter together.

Our relationship has been up and down. We both have our demons. I have always known in my heart that our relationship could sometimes be abusive (physical, mental, emotional) but was too fearful to leave and swept it under the rug. The cycle of abuse and volatile arguing started soon after we got together so I have no one to blame but myself for moving in, getting engaged to, marrying and now having a child with him.

I have recently come to realize that he is a narcissist and that i will not be able to change the patterns as hard as I try. The cycle happens every few months and lasts for days or weeks. Of course now that my baby is in the picture (it hasn’t gotten physical since she’s been born, just lots of verbal and emotional abuse and loud yelling ), I am looking at my options because i won’t stand for it any longer. I have given ultimatums but he has not changed. I now have a support system (family, friends, a counselor) after many years of keeping this secret.

I quit my job to stay home with my baby. I love being home with her. I love our home. I do still love my husband despite everything mentioned. He makes great money and supports me with everything. He is kind and fun and loving when he wants to be. He loves and takes great care of our daughter. I want to keep living our life as a family unit but I am feeling hopeless that this will ever change.

I am so afraid to leave but also afraid to stay.

Any word of encouragement please.