My 18th birthday is coming and I’m super excited for it but I’m excited for a different reason.

When most people turn 18 they’re either happy they finally have freedom and can call their own shots and choose want they want to do and some others can be scared about becoming an adult and having to do the things their parents normally did for them. And truthfully, I’m a mix of the two but I’m more excited about having freedom.

Someone asked me if I was ya know excited about turning 18 and becoming a adult and I simply said yes I am, but that person asked what I’d being doing for my big day and before I could answer said I would probably just be spending it with either my friends or my family/parents. Well, I will be spending it with family, but both of my parents won’t be there. The only parent that will be there is my mom.

The reason for that is because mainly for the past two years my father has been mentally, verbally and emotionally abusing me.

My parents are divorced and have been for three years now but the reason for the divorce was because my father wanted it and my mom was confused at first until she found out he had been cheating on her with the same women for five going on six years and wasn’t as confused as to why he wanted a divorce even though my father denied ever cheating then saying he hadn’t seen that women in years which wasn’t true because he is now married to that women. But anyways.

I was angry at my father for cheating on my mom for several months until I started to spend more time with him and also met the women he had cheated on my mom with and saw that he was really happy with her and never saw this kind of happiness with my mom so my anger kind of went away.

Then a year later is when he started manipulating people and wanting to be in control of everything and everyone.

It truthfully wasn’t that bad at first, he would lie about small things and tried to control little things that honestly were things he couldn’t control, but then came the manipulating and gas lighting almost constantly.

I was able to deal with it all and cope with him being that way because I first started piecing things together and realized this is what a lot of abusers do to people and realized my father is also narcissistic and thought he was never in the wrong for anything. I only know these things because from a younger age I had always been fascinated about how the human mind works and how the brain can change one’s personality if they have a really bad head trauma or how it blocks out memories if they are too much for a person. And thank God I did know these things otherwise I don’t think my mom, sister and I would of caught on to all the things he was doing and all been in bad shape or might of had bad mindsets.

Because I wasn’t 18 yet I couldn’t refuse going to his house and or spending time with him so I just had to deal with him. And he wasn’t manipulating or controlling all the time,(which made it confusing) so there were times I didn’t have a bad time with him but would come back home exhausted from having to deal with him at times because he was so mentally exhausting to deal with.

It’s actually been months since I’ve seen him at the beginning of the year when he gas lighted me so bad that I questioned things I knew were true and made me even second guess my own gut feelings I had and it took me four days to fully get out of the bad mindset he had put me in and finally tell my mom what he did to me.

I also have depression and have had it a year before the divorce but it got worse the year of the divorce because of other things happening but it was so bad that I thought of killing myself every day. But I got in a better place and mindset that two years had gone by without thinking about killing myself until my father gas lighted me and made me feel so awful about myself that the thought came back into my mind and in the moment thought “it really would have been better if I killed myself two years ago so I wouldn’t cause all this pain and drama”(there wasn’t any real pain that was caused or drama he just made me think that way). But I knew at that moment that that was not right for me to think that way but I couldn’t get the suicidal thoughts out of my head for another 24 hours after it all happened.

Now that I’m turning 18 I can finally cut ties with this man and cut this toxic relationship out of my life for good and I’m honestly so relieved and so genuinely happy that I will hopefully never have to see him ever again because I can’t trust that he’s going to ever change and can’t let myself get manipulated by him again all because he happens to be my father.(even though at times I can’t help but miss him especially now that I’ll also be turning 18 without him being there to celebrate w/ me)

But it’s hard for me to tell people this so that’s why I’m anonymously putting my confession out there so I can kind of get it off my chest.

Omorashi Fetish