Am I a shitty girlfriend for this?

Question

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 months now, everything is going grear between us. However I’ve got this little issue personally and I feel like crap about it. Ever since we started dating his 2 close friends wanted to meet me. I’ve seen one of them on 3 separate occasions, not for long, 30-45 mins or so and I’ve only seen the other one for like 10 seconds the other day when we met. Well they always include me in their plans, the one I met 3 times invited me to his birthday party and asked my boyfriend and I if we wanted to go with him and his girlfriend for the day to a lake, just a mini trip outside the city. Me being the anxious ball I am I declined both times. Last month my boyfriend and I went for the day to another city and that guy and his girlfriend were also out in the same city and asked if we wanted to meet them so we can grab some food together before we headed back home. Well that ended up not working out but I was a bit iffy about that too. And there were a couple more times when they just asked if we wanted to hang out with them at random times and I never went. They also included me in their new years plans which of course I’m not going to and my boyfriend refuses to go because I won’t go which makes me feel even worse. I feel like they all think I’m a stuck uo bitch at this point because I always refuse to see them. They’ve even included me in their plans for tomorrow night and I won’t go. I have pretty bad social anxiety, but it depends on what kind of environment I’m in. I don’t mind meeting new people at work or such because I feel like no one else at work knows that new person so that makes me feel better for some reason, but whenever I have to meet friends of friends, basically any people that someone I know is friends with/knows, I get very awkward, embarrassed, shy, nervous and I just wanna leave so bad. It’s just so awkward when they all know each other, and I’m the new one I feel like they’re all judging and laughing at me and I’m just like hi I’m awkward can I leave now and I just sit there and don’t talk unless someone asks me something. My boyfriend is understanding and doesn’t pressure me at all into it, but I just feel so crappy about it. And I only see my boyfriend once or twice a week for a few hours anyway, so when I see him I wanna spend time with him not his mates that I’m super awkward around. Am I a shitty girlfriend? I just don’t know how to come out of my shell and push myself to just get over it and see them

Answer

Just hang out with them. I wouldn’t say it makes you a shitty girlfriend but I think you have to learn to how not let your anxiety take over that much. I know it sounds scary, but if you’re going to be with him long term, you should get to know his friends and family too.

Answer

Find a good therapist. Anxiety becomes a real issue when it interferes with your daily life and your important relationships. You shouldn't use it as an excuse to hide from people. Cognitive-behavioral therapy may be a good fit for you.

Answer

You’re not a crappy girlfriend, but it’s definitely something I’d want to work on. It’s not going to get any better as even more time passes (unless you work on the issue). In fact, it will only get even harder as more time passes. 
Honestly, it’s all your anxiety talking. That stuff isn’t really what’s on people’s minds when they meet a new person.

Answer

you're not a shitty girlfriend, but the only way to stop being uncomfortable is to make yourself uncomfortable, if that makes sense. definitely don't overwhelm yourself! it can get scary and i understand that. 
i don't have anxiety but i was deeply shy up until i turned 16. i loved people but didn't know how to interact with them without feeling stupid haha. i had a mentor at the time who would make me talk to 3 new people everyday (usually store employees) until i got more comfortable talking to people i didn't know. 
it's easier said that done to "just talk to new people" but it helped me a lot to realise people aren't as mean as i think they are. it sounds like your bf's friends are really nice! i don't think they'll make fun of you, and i don't think your bf would want you to go if they would either. 
honestly, i would suggest maybe explaining to them that you have severe social anxiety so they at least understand why you're saying no, if you're concerned about them thinking otherwise. and maybe ask your bf to ask them for their numbers! that way you can get to know them without overwhelming yourself with face-to-face interaction.

Answer

I know anxiety can be really hard to deal with, but this is something you'll need to fix for your relationship. I think your best option might be a therapist. You could also try to find things that help reduce your anxiety like strong away for 5 mins or give yourself pep talks about how awesome you are. You're boyfriend can help you do that as well. Don't worry about them judging you. The only ion that really matters is your boyfriend's.

Answer

Like everybody else has said you’re not shitty but it’s never going to get better if you don’t at least give it the good old college try. I’m incredibly anxious too. I hated meeting friends of my partners. But hiding forever would’ve probably put off my partner’s and their friends. I think it’s incredibly nice that his friends are inviting you and not just your boyfriend.

Answer

Why don't you Invite them to a place that you are comfortable with and won't freak out in... and then just explain to them why you can't do certain outings... I'm sure it would mean a lot to your partner as well.

Answer

You won't be the new girl any more if you keep trying to hang out with them. Go, hang out for a bit. Make it a goal. Stay for one hour. Then the next time, 1.5. Then 2. Who knows maybe they can become some good friends of yours. Just take it at a pace that you can handle.

Answer

I don’t think “shitty girlfriend” is the label I would give you. But I do think you should go out with his friends. Yes it can be awkward at first but just be nice and treat them the way you would want to be treated. I’m telling you this right now, your BF is gonna get super annoyed with this in a hot minute. He’s not gonna like not being able to co-mingle the two groups of friends. 
I mean, think about it.... if you’re long term material is he gonna be ok with keeping those 2 worlds separate forever? Nope. It sounds like they’re being super cool and you need to push through the awkwardness. Do it! Everything will be awesome and fun!!

Answer

They sound like really nice people that are making an effort to include you in their friend group. They will only ask so many times before they stop. I think you should push yourself to at least show up one out of every couple of times they invite you. It’s also alright to tell them that your shy and not meaning to be rude

Am I a shitty girlfriend for this?

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