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Our own self talk only adds to the already horrific anxiety that comes with IVF/pregnancy. It’s frustrating how our brains being us down when we need to be positive the most!It won’t solve all your problems, but try reframing your negative thoughts. For example, “What’s good about the situation?”For one, you have 10 leading follicles! That’s great! It could be less than 10. Also, you’re on your 3rd retrieval, it’s amazing that you and your husband have worked so hard to have the means to do so! (Credit to an emotional intelligence class I took at work today that was essentially therapy!)I’m so excited for you Danielle! It’s going to be a different pregnancy this time around. Somehow we have to detach ourselves from our miscarriage experience with the next baby. I have no doubt in my mind you will be floored when you get a positive test back. Will you be guarded? Yes. But you’re also going to appreciate every single millisecond of that pregnancy even more❤️
Retrieval #3
Hi ladies,
Tomorrow is the big day and my emotions are all over the place, from excited to terrified all at the same time.
In July, we had our second retrieval (first was a bust) and I got pregnant for the first time ever with a fresh transfer. Betas were strong, saw the heartbeat, had all the morning sickness, and then in September we found out at a routine 10 week ultrasound that our baby's heart had stopped beating just a few days before. I had a d&c 2 days later and ran tests which showed we lost a genetically normal girl. We were (still are) devastated. They said it was just "bad luck" and "sometimes babies hearts just stop beating." Even though we have 3 frozen untested blastocysts, we decided to do another retrieval now since my egg quality will only get worse with time. I would like more than 1 child. This time we are pgs testing them all, including the frozen, for added reassurance.
I am 31 and have low AMH, high FSH, and abnormal looking eggs which they think could be from endo (surgery was not recommended by 3 different doctors). With my first 2 retrievals I got 10 eggs each try and this time it looks like I have about the same number of mature follicles. I'm so scared they won't have a lot make to to blast, even more scared none will be genetically normal. It's taking such a toll on me emotionally. I'm generally an anxious person and all the uncertainty certainly doesn't help. I'm excited for the possibilities, but can't help but be fearful.
If all goes well, we will have a frozen transfer around December 17th-23rd. They will be putting me on lovenox and medrol this time for added precaution. I so want to believe our dreams could come true and we can finally be on the other side of this struggle, but it's hard. 2019 has been filled with the highest highs and lowest lows. Even if I do get pregnant, I fear I won't be able to connect and get excited because I'll be waiting for bad news. I just don't know how much more I can take.
I'm not sure what I'm looking to get out of this, but thank you for listening to my story. I wish you all the best of luck on this difficult journey and I hope we will all be to hold and take home our babies in 2020.
UPDATE: 10 eggs retrieved once again 🥚
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Sadly out of the 10 eggs retrieved, 4 were mature, and only 2 fertilized. Not very hopeful this is going to end well. If these 2 don't make it, we will just transfer the frozen embryos next month, but won't be testing them. We are worried about damaging them with a double thaw and freeze when we don't have any backup embryos. Feeling defeated.
Da
It's far from easy! I got my update this morning: 1 arrested and the other is dividing slowly. I can't say I'm surprised. I'm trying to stay positive and focus on how lucky we are to have 3 still frozen. Maybe I was too greedy. I just didn't expect this let down and was really trying to be proactive for the future. I feel I made the wrong call and should have just done a frozen transfer to begin with. Of course hindsight is 20/20. Feeling my feelings now so I can reboot on Monday and focus on our transfer next month. Thanks for checking in.
Al
I’m so sorry dear. This process is just the worst. Do you have an update on your two?? I’m so glad you do have some frozen to use-either way, there is real hope for a baby!
He
Oh no! I'm so very sorry!! Nothing about this journey is easy is it!
Good luck today!!!! I'm so sorry for all that you've been through! I hope all goes well and that this is the cycle that's perfect!
He
Oh good!
Da
Thank you so much. We got 10 eggs again and I get a progress report tomorrow to see how many fertilized. Let the torturous waiting process begin! 😬
Let's Glow!
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