“You should have let it happen, and not fought back.”

I need to rant and just air this ish out because I feel so defeated. I don’t get it.

On June 30th, I left my husband. There’s a long history wrapped up in to 4 years that consists of various forms of abuse. Including types of abuse I didn’t even know were a “thing.” In the end of May, in the heated midst of an argument my husband threw me onto our bed and kept me pinned down by laying on me and holding me by my neck. He then proceeded to force sex, despite my gasping pleas for him to stop and let me go. I was so shell shocked, I didn’t even know what to do with myself. So, my brain figured to just keep doing what I’ve been doing, and just try to pretend nothing happened. As though if I pretended long enough that it didn’t happen, maybe it’d come to a point to where things would be as if it didn’t happen. Word to this wise- that theory does not work.

Fast forward to the end of June; my husband and I got in to another argument. This argument rolled over the time span of 3 entire days (and nights.) The grand finale consisted of him tossing me across our living room because I wouldn’t give him the bag of my things I had packed to leave with. In the physical altercation, some of the things he did was elbow me in the head, slap me and tried to pull my legs out from under me to make me fall to the ground.

Immediately after the fight, my husband called the cops and said I tried tackling him to the ground. Mind you, my husband is 6’5 and 300lbs. I’m 5’ and 130lbs. There’s no chance I could knock that tree of a man down. But the police showed up anyways. They didn’t even care to hear what happened. All they wanted to know was what my next step was. Which was leaving to stay with my parents 2 hours away.

Now, my husband kept and keeps cameras all around the entire house. 2 way audio, 24/7 cloud recording and play back. He had them in the kids room, the living room, dining room, kitchen, front entrance and our master bedroom. So there was video proof of the entire fight that I was trying to show the officer. The officer flat out refused to watch the video. (Later I found out that had the cop watched the video, my husband would have immediately been arrested.)

But none the less, I packed as much as I could fit in my tiny car and me and the kids left. Since leaving, I have found spyware on my phone and laptop, including trackers. I’ve encountered people sitting outside my parents house watching and following me. I’ve had random orders of things delivered to my house that I didn’t order. In early July I had to call the cops because of someone sitting outside my house taking photos of my bedroom window. The police showed up and talked about my options. I explained the situation that caused me to leave and mentioned the video. They watched and said if that had happened in this county, he would have instantly been arrested. And then I could have reported the previous may event to tack on to ensure a longer jail time and the maximum time frame for a protection order over me and the kids. But they said I’d have to file it in the county that it happened in, and that by doing so- it’s give me safety that he’d be locked away to never hurt or harass me again.

So I did exactly that. I filed a report about what happened in May and in June. I gave proof with the prior mentioned video recording, along with photos of the marks and bruises and one of my sex toys he used on me in the May situation that I had not touched since that night.

Y’all... since The first week of July when I filed, to now...... the detectives STILL have not gotten a statement from my husband so the charges still haven’t been filed with the DA or brought before the grand jury.

Instead, my husbands lawyer has called and spoke to the detective saying its all lies, that these bruises are from me supposedly being anemic and that her client won’t give a statement. That’s at least what the detective told me was said by his lawyer.

But, in this same call- this same detective said that I ANTAGONIZED my husband. That I should have let him rip the bag from my hands and not fought back and that during the instance back in May, I should not have resisted and tried to fight back while he fucked me and tried choking me to death. This detective said that if I wouldn’t have resisted, my now damaged vocal chords would have been fine, and that I wouldn’t have passed out from being choked because he wouldn’t have tried to choke me in the first place.

So the detective basically imposed I ASKED FOR THIS AND THAT MY REACTIONS ARE WHAT MADE IT GET AS BAD AS IT GOT.

THE FUCKING DETECTIVE.

So he’s still out there, my husband, following me and having me watched. And what are the detectives doing about it? Nothing. Nada damn thing.

So moral of the story is-

1. You only get justice after your dead, so you’ll never see it served.

2. If you’re being attacked or choked or anything like that- you don’t have a right to defend yourself. You just have to let it happen.