I am suffering some anxiety over my in laws involvement in our lives. 😔 I am not sure who to talk to. I don’t want to upset my husband, but I’m not sure where to go from here to improve the situation. My relationship with my in laws previously were good, seeing them maybe 4 times a year for the last 8 years, they live 160 miles away. We probably see them for a weekend every month now, the same as my family.

When we announced my pregnancy they were delighted, having never considered that they’d ever become grandparents because we never spoke about having children. Our child is now 8 months old. It’s not one particular thing but the accumulation of many things that have made me uncomfortable and anxious whilst in their company. Instead of going into the details of events, I’ll list a few factual ones below to paint a picture.

1. FIL referring to me as “Fatty” whilst pregnant instead of my name over one weekend visit. I ignored it, but it did upset me.

2. FIL saying that I am just an incubator and they don’t care about me otherwise, MIL nodding in agreement at this. I’m still not sure if this was intended as a joke. No one was laughing, when I said “really?” He nodded and said yes. It made for an awkward visit and I was very upset once they left. Hubby in denial that it happened initially, which also upset me.

3. kissing newborn on lips after we said not to. Generally interrupting me in conversation when trying to assert myself, brushing me off kind of feeling.

4. MIL persistently calling hubby to insist she stays for a week with me, under the circumstances I didn’t think my anxiety could handle an intense visit like that. Hubby never got back to her on it so the requests stopped after a few months.

5. During weekend visits, no help with cooking or hot/cold drink making. They are high maintenance visitors for me and my hubby knows that I feel this way. I am almost certain they judge me for how our house is too.

6. MIL only liking and commenting on pictures on social media that exclude me in them. I did an experiment on this 😂 I also seem to be cut off on 1 or 2 pictures that she’s shared. Never asking for our permission to share pictures either.

7. MIL also passed one too many comments on my post baby weight during the early days, which was hurtful. She made me feel uncomfortable when she said that she’s always wanted a 3rd child but FIL wouldn’t let her, whilst being overly mothering to my daughter. FIL getting tipsy drunk on one occasion and smooching with my baby and repeating how in love he is with her and wanting to take her back home with them. Overbearing on these occasions, made me very uncomfortable. I don’t think I’d feel comfortable leaving my baby in their care unsupervised if the need ever arose as I don’t feel the boundaries are there....

These kind of things, whilst isolated incidents, have built up this year and I am no longer comfortable around them, and they cause me a lot of anxiety. I have lost sleep over worrying about it. They’ve made me feel like I am of no use now that I’ve produced a granddaughter, their first grandchild. They are high maintenance on their visits and I’m struggling to feel comfortable around them.

I would not be surprised if they knew of my plight due to body language or a sense of indifference that I feel is between us now. They are not one to talk about feelings either and aren’t really that close to my hubby in this kind of way, so hubby definitely wouldn’t say anything. If anything was said it would definitely cause more tension and potentially a falling out. I can’t really pick at just one thing either without sounding over sensitive... it’s everything.

Where do I go from here to improve my situation 😞