How has college affected your mental health?

Man... I did a bad thing.

I’m from New York, my family lives there, my boyfriend lives there... my whole heart is there, but I absolutely HATE the place. If I had no connection to New York, I would never go back.

So I went to college in Louisiana.

Now, let me explain. My boyfriend and I got together in April, right before I committed to my school. Even though I knew I wanted to go away before, I wasn’t going to let a boy I had barely been with stop me from getting a good education and exploring. It’s stupid to make huge life decisions like that based off of someone you haven’t been with very long right? Right.

Well, it’s November now. My man and I are stronger than ever. I miss him so much. I haven’t been home since August, and no one has been able to visit me due to life and financial restrictions, so I haven’t seen anyone in 3 months.

I LOVE my school. I love the campus, the spirit, everything. But I have no one here. No friends, no family. I am completely alone. I guess I’m homesick for my people.

I have been so depressed and anxious for so long. It feels like I made a horrible mistake by coming here. I started self harming again (after years of being clean) because I feel so low. I don’t know who I am. I’m lost. I’m failing at least one of my classes right now, and I’ll probably have to retake it. It’s going to affect my gpa horribly.

I don’t want to go back to New York, but I’m very seriously considering doing so. At least temporarily, until I figure something else out.

I just need some encouragement and advice on what to do 🥺 because I know one thing, I can’t do another 3 years here. I’ve never been so tempted to take my own life before, but my family is so proud of me for being bold and taking this chance that I can’t stand the thought of embarrassing them with my failure. No one in my family has ever tasted this much success (neither of my parents went to college and my sister was a teen mom that dropped out after 1 semester at community college)... I can’t let them down.

I know I would never actually seriously hurt myself, and I’ve been putting all my faith in God, I just feel like I’m missing something. My faith has never been stronger. All I can do is pray that He gets me through this and shows me what to do.