Well, here goes..

Growing up, my mom and I were extremely close. I spent more time with her than I did with my friends. We would do everything together. We even worked at the same part time job when I was in high school.

Then I got a boyfriend. My mom started to get a bit overprotective. I get it. This however didn’t change our relationship. I ended up, after college, marrying my high school sweetheart. I loved him. My parents loved him. It was perfect. Well, then he walked out on me two years into marriage with another girl. I was devastated. My mom, came to my rescue and helped me through it. I ended up getting a message from him that blamed everything on my mother and her controlling our lives.

I ended up, a short while after, meeting my now husband. He lived an hour away from my home but that didn’t matter to me. My mom was happy to see me happy again. Until, she saw things that she didn’t like. I began to distance myself now that I found a new mate. We started spending a lot of time together. She didn’t like it. She started to try everything she could to keep me home. She would guilt me into leaving home and abandoning the family. I was guilted for a lot of things. I never rebelled as a teenage and now, all I wanted to do was to tel my mom to leave me alone.

My new mate and my mom began not seeing eye to eye. I felt like I was being pulled in two directions. Pulled to my mom and pulled to him. I didn’t know what to do. I would reassure her that I was happy and I loved the guy. But she would still put him down. I spoke to a counselor about my feelings. How could I be happy? Did I leave this guy I fell in love with to go home and make my mom happy? Or did I stay with him and hope that one day she will accept it?

He asked me to marry him. First he asked for my parents permission. Then he asked me. It was beautiful. Of course I said yes. After this, my mom would approach me asking if I’m sure it’s what I want to do. She would call me crying asking if I’m sure. I would do all I could to convince her but she wouldn’t budge.

We ended up marrying. The wedding was beautiful. I was so happy. It was my second chance. She would then pick things apart about him. She would put him down. She would tell me I was a disappointing to her. She would tell me to drive home an hour to sit and talk with her and then when I got there she would refuse to talk. I got pregnant. It was great. My mom was happy. Once I was in labour. My world crashed. My mother told my husband she hated him in the hallway and that she never wanted to see him again because at the time I could only have one visitor. The day after I birthed my baby, I was sitting alone in my hospital room with my baby in tears because I had disappointed her yet again and she didn’t want to see me or my baby.

After a week she began to come around. But then she would tell me I’m not doing what I should be doing in taking care of my baby the way she told me to. That I am “effing” her up. My heart shattered. Could I not do anything right? My husband of course was to blame.

My mother hates my husband. She gives me the silent treatment. She’s the most negative person I have ever met. She compares me to others. She guilts me into doing anything she wants. Yet, I still love her. And I still would do anything to make her happy. That is why, I’m sitting here rocking my baby while I have chest pain thinking of how I have disappointed her this time and made her angry that she won’t speak to me. I love her. I love my family. My soul feels like it’s left and here I am a hollow shell.