So my birth story is very traumatic to me. I tell everyone that it wasn’t a big deal, but I have nightmares about it and when someone or I talk about it, my whole body shakes....

I was dying during labor, my heart rate elevated as my oxygen and blood pressure dropped significantly. I needed an emergency c section where I was so close to death, but pulled through. My sweet baby was totally fine and oh so perfect, thank god.

I’m struggling so much, but I don’t want to tell anyone.

I don’t feel a bond with my baby (5 weeks old) where my husband does. My husband has been taking care of us ever since the first day, I love him and appreciate him so much for it, but I feel like he’s thinking it’s more of a burden and a job than a family.

I try to take care of my baby as much as I can between the horribly excruciating bouts of pain. During the night it’s really hard because I’m by myself while my husband is at work. I can’t stand up from a sitting position while I’m holding him because I’ve almost dropped him due to pain, but I’m alone so what can I do. Baby has needs that need to be met that my pain has to wait for.

I feel like my husband resents me because when I’m finally able to sleep, I sometimes don’t hear our baby crying. So then he gets up to get him (even when he makes noises in the dark). He gets upset that he works and then comes home to the baby with no sleep and that his sanity is breaking.

Every night this week I sit holding my baby, staring at a tylenol bottle wondering if I should just take them all and end my families suffering.

I shouldn’t be alive right now.. I’m a burden to my whole family, including my parents.

They would be better off without me. They wouldn’t have to help me off the couch, help me stand with him, help me take care of him, help me get binkis off the floor, help me get dressed, They just would be better off 😔

I feel like I shouldn’t have made it through that day.

Rabbit test