Not many people know about what happened between my (now) husband and I because I’m afraid it’ll tear our families apart.

When we were still just dating, he cheated on me with someone I thought was my best friend. We had been together for almost 3 years at that point, so it wasn’t like she didn’t know. I didn’t find out until we had lived together for a good 3 months (about 6 months after he cheated). We took a trip to see our families (5 hours away), and it was 3 am on the day we were supposed to be leaving to go home that I found out. We were staying at his parents house in his old bedroom. I’d had a nightmare that I caught him cheating with her and couldn’t shake the feeling when I woke up.

I ended up going through his phone to reassure myself (yes, we’d agreed long before that it was okay). I didn’t find anything, so I told myself I was just being paranoid due to my history. As soon as I thought that, my stomach rolled, like something was telling me to not ignore the feeling. I went through his Apple Watch (which keeps texts even if they’ve been deleted from the phone (thank you Apple)), and I found messages between him and her. He’d said that they “literally could’ve fucked and no one would’ve known.”

She said no because she “[knew it was] kinda hypocritical, but [she didn’t] want to do that to [her new boyfriend]”. She even went on to ask him what to say if I asked about her not texting me after she got off work like she’d said she’d would (because we were supposed to hang out). He gave her a lie to provide me, and said that he wasn’t gonna say anything to me about them hanging out. Reading those messages had me shaking, but I started taking pictures of them with my phone ASAP.

Right after I got done and laid there to gather my thoughts, he woke up and tried to cuddle me (probably thinking I was cold like usual). I told him not to touch me and when he asked why, I told him I knew about her. He didn’t even try to hide it, he just asked how. I told him it didn’t matter how, but I knew and I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He eventually told me that he’d be sleeping in another room for the rest of the night, and we’d talk about it the next day. After he left, I texted her that I knew everything and I never wanted to hear from her again.

She replied soon after (around 4:30 am), but I didn’t see it (along with another message from her) until way later that morning because I’d cried myself back to sleep. She tried to explain that she was lonely at the time and he’d said he loved her and she got confused and she was sooo sorry, yada yada. I used the opportunity to get the full truth. I told her that I already knew everything, but I was gonna give her the chance to be 100% honest with me. I asked her all sorts of questions (how long it had be going on, when it started, if they’d sexted and sent nudes, how many times they’d had sex, if they even used protection, etc).

After she’d told me everything, I told her to go back and read every message she’d just sent, and to think about how she’d done all of that with him while he was with me. I told her that they’d both done all of that behind my back and hurt me immeasurably. She continued trying to say that she was sorry and that she was confused at the time. I then confronted him and asked him all the same questions (about which he tried to lie (big surprise)).

I then told him that she’d already told me everything and I knew he was lying. I told him to just tell me the truth for once, and he (somewhat) did. I also said that when we were supposed to be co-signing for a smaller apartment the next month, that I would not be signing with him. I told him I was gonna move back in with my parents (despite how badly I didn’t want to). He agreed to stay with a work buddy for a few days so that I could have some space when we got back home. I also made him agree that he’d be telling his mom what he’d done. We then got everything together to leave.

Before we left town, we went to see his mom at work (Big Lots) to say goodbye like we always do. Walking up to the store, I told him “If you don’t tell her right now, I will.” He was begging me to not make him do it right then and there, but I wasn’t budging. He’d broken my heart and I had a really good relationship with his family by that point, but he needed to tell his mom. He started getting upset when he told her, so she asked her manager to go on break and we went outside to talk.

She was LIVID with him. He tried to use the excuse that I had a guy friend that he *thought* something was going on with, but she wouldn’t let him. She was even more pissed off at him when I told her that 2/3 times they’d had sex, they didn’t even use a condom. She looked at him and said “Do you want a baby? Huh? Cause THAT is how you get a baby!” He had the audacity to say “Yeah, with her” and pointed at me. I swear she was ready to beat him (and she’s NEVER been one to spank or smack her kids (but she’d never really had a need to)).

She also brought up the fact that if the girl had any kind of STD’s, he could’ve gotten them and given them to me without my knowledge (I’m clean, thankfully). His mom’s opinion of him is very important to him (which is one of the biggest reasons I made him tell her), and I think that was the first thing that made him really think about what he’d done to me. When we got back to our apartment later that night, he’d refused to stay somewhere else even just for the night (like we’d previously agreed on). He wouldn’t even leave our bedroom to give me some space.

I ended up breaking down of course. I yelled at him and started throwing things at him (including the mattress off the bed). When I walked into the closet (which led to the bathroom) to get some space from him, he followed me to make sure I wasn’t gonna go for the razors in the bathroom (I’d been struggling big time with my depression after losing 2 family members 2 months apart just before we moved in together). When I noticed he was behind me, I turned and pushed him away and started yelling that I hated him. The whole 5 hour trip back from seeing our families and the whole time I’d been throwing things at him, he just sat there calmly, unfazed.

It wasn’t until I started pushing him and yelling “I hate you” at him that he finally showed any kind of emotion. He broke down and tried to hold me, but I refused until I just sat on the floor and bawled. He sat and cried with me, because he truly realized just how badly he’d broken me. He spent the next week or so sleeping in the spare bedroom (I gave in because I couldn’t sleep without him, even if he did break my heart).

It took a long time, but I eventually forgave him. The healing process for not just our relationship, but also for me personally took a very time, and I’m still not completely healed. Neither of us has had any communication with her since (I randomly check his phone to be sure). We’re married and pregnant now, and it still gets to me sometimes.

He tries his best that he would never do it again with anyone, that wouldn’t risk not being able to see our daughter (he works too much for him to win custody, and he probably wouldn’t fight me too hard for it anyway (although he knows I wouldn’t keep her from him or his family out of spite)).

I know this was a really long post, but I felt like it was something that I really needed to get off my chest. Thank you for reading 💙

🚨UPDATE

1. No, I am not friends with the girl anymore because, even though I considered her a best friend, we’d only gotten that close within the last 6 months (while my husband was gone and she was talking to him). We were only kinda friends before.

2. We didn’t get married or pregnant until AFTER I found out about him cheating and forgave him. It took a LOT for me to forgive him. I didn’t do it because I thought he deserved a second chance. I did it because I love him more than anything, we’d been together for years, and I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without him. I’ve grown a lot since finding out, and I know in my heart that if it happened again, I would definitely leave him. He knows this as well, and he assures me daily that he would never risk our family. I love him, but I’ve learned to love myself more and put my well being first.

3. I understand most women would just leave him and probably think I’m stupid for staying, but I don’t care. It was my choice to stay. I didn’t share my story for y’all to hate on me. I shared it because I wanted to, and I want other women to know that being strong doesn’t always mean having to leave. You can be strong and still fight for your relationship if you see that your partner is willing to fight for you as well.