You are not a failure!
So excited to finally share my birth story!
At 39+4 I agreed to have my cervix checked as I had been having irregular contractions since the day before. I was astounded when my doctor said I was 4 cm. 😳 Over the next few days I continued to experience irregular contractions, as well as losing large chunks of my mucous plug. My doctor and I discussed my options and we decided induction would be the best route for me. On November 14th at 40+4 I went to the hospital at 6:30 am to welcome my baby boy into the world! Before they got things started they checked me to find I was 5cm dilated, 80% effaced, and baby was at 0 station. The nurse and my doctor were super surprised that I wasn't in labor yet! After breaking my water and starting pitocin my contractions started but weren't that bad. My husband and I watched The Office to distract me. 😂 Once my contractions were really painful I asked my nurse about some pain relief but I was really trying to go without an epidural as I was scared about the possible side effects. She said if I was 7cm or more I couldn't have IV meds as they could be in baby's system once he got here. Of course I was 7cm exactly. 🙄 After another 30 minutes or so I was crying from the pain. My husband gently convinced me to get an epidural and I agreed. I was TERRIFIED but the anesthesiologist was super awesome and I barely felt a thing! It took a surprising amount of time to kick in and didn't get rid of the contractions once it was time to push. I felt the full intensity of every contraction.... But after an hour and a half of pushing baby came into the world and I didn't feel it at all! My crotch was completely numb. I didn't even feel my 2nd degree tears or my episiotomy. I originally felt like a failure for getting the epidural but it brought my son here! After he came and before my milk came in I had to supplement with formula because he wouldn't suck hard enough to get enough colostrum and would give up. I cried because I felt like a failure again. Mamas, you do whatever you have to do to make sure your baby is healthy! As long as you're doing that you are NOT a failure!