Trigger warning in case.

I need to know what other people think. I have been fucking hurting from this for awhile and I'm barely recovering.

Am I being dramatic? Is this in my head? I guess I feel like I want validation..

Throughout our relationship I stopped feeling horny, I figured it was my depression and medication. I told EX why I didn't want to have sex and he would back off. 

Throughout time since then he would be frustrated and pressure me into talking to the doctor about it. 

I was constantly making excuses about not wanting to have sex. 

One time we were out at Porcupine dam when he wanted to have sex. I said no and he pestered me for awhile but I kept saying no. He would touch me and I would just hold still. As we were walking back to the car he pulled out his dick. I wasn't horny and didn't want to touch him but he kept asking and begging so I tried to get things over with as quick as possible. 

For awhile he would continue to pester me and the more he did the less I wanted to. 

The worst was we were at my house. Everyone is in bed, he's horny but I tell him I don't want to. I explain that I had been suicidal and had called the hotline. He comforted me for maybe two minutes before he began trying to touch me again. I said no, and he asked if he could just touch my boobs, I agreed and let him while I just sat there. He asked if he could go under my shirt and I said no. I can't remember if he didn't anyway or not. He kept trying to get me to go to my room, I knew if we did I would be having sex with him and I didn't want to. But I knew if I went to my room it would happen. I considered doing it just to get it over with. At this point I tell him that I said no and he kept pestering me and touching me. I told him that I had just called the suicide hotline a couple days ago and that it wasn't the place for sex. He feels really bad and apologizes and is upset. I say it's okay, we sit for a minute before he starts singing this song saying he has blue balls, he's trying  to kiss me, I kiss him back, he is pestering me to go to my room

I say no. I don't want to do anything. He takes out his dick and is jerking off. I'm so uncomfortable and I've told him no so many times. He keeps Begging saying that he can't be with someone who he isn't sexually compatible. I understand but I'm vulnerable, eventually I end up jerking him off. I just want it to be over with and he can tell I'm not liking it. He tries getting me to suck him off but I refuse. Luckily my brother got up to go to the bathroom and we had to stop. He's really upset because we didn't go to my room and he has blue balls. I explain I didn't want to and had told him multiple times and he still kept trying. He feels really bad again and says he should go. I let him leave and I apologise for making him feel bad.

Then a few days later I broke up with him. He didn't do anything that wrong but being touched when you keep saying no makes you feel gross. 

He touched me so many times without me wanting him to. He pulled out his dick when I didn't want him to. He made me feel bad. I was making excuses. Sex rarely felt good. It was always him going until he came and that was that. Few times was it ever for me. So sex stopped being good. The more he pressured me the less I wanted to. The more he touched me, under my shirt, down my pants the more disgusted I felt with being touched. 

The thought of being touched or kissed made me ill until just recently. I used to have dreams where I would date someone and Just before we kissed or had sex he would turn into EX and I would become sick and uncomfortable and violated

Lmao even Tom Hiddleston in his sexy glory saying he loved me in dream Land would turn into EX