I made a new friend a few years ago who I eventually became close with. She let me stay at her house, let me borrow her car once before, we hit it off instantly. She even helped talk sense into me when I was going through a bad relationship, and now I’m out of it and married to an amazing guy. And we’ve done so much together, we made some pretty good memories together.

Well this past year, things have been different and we have started to grow apart. She had her feelings hurt a few times, and I had hurt feelings too, and I would go to her and address it. I would apologize to her letting her know I didn’t mean to hurt her, and hoped to move forward and try to be better.

I didn’t realize how bad it would get until this year. This year I fell pregnant. She was trying for a while. She has had a few miscarriages, and I don’t know the pain nor do I understand what it’s like to go through that. I’ve wept for and with her. But I have a feeling she wanted to bear the first grandchild, but instead it was me. Either way, she no longer spoke to me, didn’t want to be around me. I gave her distance, yet I wanted to reach out to her. But I didn’t feel like it was appropriate — I even felt that it was insensitive — for me to try to console her. She was hurting bad. I’ve had someone tell my husband that maybe I need to apologize to her for that, too. But I didn’t fall pregnant with the intention of hurting her... I fell pregnant because I wanted to start a family.

Well months have passed and she has been cold towards me. She doesn’t acknowledge me when around others. And she’s gone to my husband and made comments here and there complaining about me. I just feel like she despises me now.

Found out she’s now pregnant, and it’s been going really well for her! I tried congratulating her over the phone (they FaceTimed my husband) and I took the phone to try to talk but they quickly told me they had to go.

Recently, I’ve made the decision to intentionally surround myself with mothers who are positive and uplifting, encouraging and supportive who do not feel the need to compete with me. I’ve found a new mom group and let me tell you, I feel so refreshed. This is the first time I’ve felt truly supported as a new first time mom and it makes me so happy. My own mom stopped talking to me most of this year up until recently. But I’m telling you, it feels good to have a support group.

As for the friend, we don’t talk as much anymore. She goes out of her way to post about hanging out with others and purposely excludes me, and maybe that’s what she needed. Someone she felt she didn’t need to compare or compete with. Someone who could relate to or understand her struggle.

I am sad about it, because we used to be so close. I didn’t realize things could change on a dime that way, but sometimes you have to accept that certain people were meant to be in your life for a season.

At this point I’m just trying to move on. My husband says I sound like I still need her validation. He might be right.. which is probably why moving on and accepting the relationship as it is might be the best option for the two of us.

I hope she is valued and celebrated in her pregnancy, as every woman should be. But I refuse to feel less valued and not worthy of her friendship over my desire to start my family.