Long long story short. My dad molested me almost my entire life. I’m talking kindergarten - freshman HS.

I was always afraid to tell anyone, so I never did.

Few years down the road we lose contact for about 2yrs bc of my depression.

We reconnect around Christmas and I get to reconnect with my brother and all is well.

Someone told me that if I didn’t heal and forgive him, then he would always have the hold on me.

Let me tell you. It was hard and you never “get over it”. But I tried. I tried with all my might.

Now, I’m 24, pregnant, and he called me a few nights ago. He wanted to talk about the past about how he raised me and it he messed up.. etc.

So, I told him everything. I asked him why and if something happened to him (bc my grandpa is abusive, physically and mentally).

He blew up and told me that he didn’t do a damn thing to me and that I needed to grow up.

That, alone, killed me. All those years of me being afraid came right back. I told him, that when he says things like that, it makes me want to put a bullet in my brain.

He proceeded to tell me that if I needed help, then he’d show me how to load it.

My husband has been with me since I was 13. He’s seen it all. His anger and my breakdowns. Things I can’t do sexually. All my triggers. I was finally doing well and now I’m just burnt. Everyone keeps telling me that it’s time to cut ties. I’m having a hard time doing that bc to be frank I’m fucking weak.

Thanksgiving is around the corner and today is my dads birthday.

My family keeps messaging me asking if I’ve said happy birthday yet.

Any advice is welcome with open arms. I’ve never told anyone besides my husband.