Hurt and confused
What do you do when you feel like your husband deserves better? Do you leave? Do you stay? Idk.
My husband and I got into an argument last night basically because I'm fed up with how he doesn't help. Everything falls on me. I can't stay up on cleaning the house every single day since we have a two month old, and a two year old. So between taking care of them, having appointments every so often, and other errands. Sometimes the house work does slack. Not to mention I'm the only one who does it. My husband never cleans up after himself. He's bitching about how he never has clean clothes. Last I checked he knows how to run a washer and dryer. He then bitches about how I'll tell him I'm going to get something done, but then he comes home and its not done. But what he doesn't see is that I get stuck having a clingy baby or toddler that day. And them needing me is more important so I'm obviously going to drop that and take care of their needs. Or he doesn't see how I did clean that room, and our toddler destroys it after nap time or whatever. He doesn't see that I'm literally working around the clock 24/7. I don't get breaks. I don't get the time to sit on my phone all day like he does. And then he gets to come home and sit on his phone even more. Yesterday I asked him to interact with our baby so he will stay up a little longer so he doesn't sleep all day and stays up late. Does he? No, he's just sits on his phone.
Before getting pregnant I had the IUD and it hurt anytime we had sex it also took away my sex drive. So we didn't have sex often, and then getting pregnant just kinda continued the lack of sex. Once I reached 7 months I pretty much didn't even want to be touched. Yet my husband wouldn't respect that and I was pretty much forced into having sex. There would be some nights I cried over it. And he never even noticed. I honestly just feel like I'm a body to him and nothing more.
After having our child, a couple weeks ago we had got into another little argument and I told him how I'm tired of it always being about sex. Well since that day he all of a sudden has been all about cuddling and this and that. And it's like when I was pregnant and even before you barely touched me. He use to always rub my feet for me or sit next to me on the couch, or just cuddled. And all of that stopped and until now. When he wants something.
He had a month off after having our baby and he didn't get anything done that he could have. His truck needs fixed. Didn't do that. Our mud room has crap in it that he needs to clear out since I can't. Didn't do that. I had a c section and I was the one up doing everything while he got to lay around with the baby. My incision even got a little infected, think he cared? Nope.
We had a big snow storm, yesterday he had the day off. You'd think he would be nice enough to go shovel our walks considering I have to lug around two kids to get into our vehicle. But nope, I did that this morning when it was in the negative.
All this while he's telling me how I'm not appreciative of him. That I don't love him or atleast I don't show it. But it's hard to show someone you love them when you dont even feel loved by them.
I'm just at the point where it's like maybe we aren't as meant for each other as we thought we were. He deserves someone who can do everything for him. Who will want to have sex with him and send him sexy pictures everyday. Someone who will always have the house spotless and a hot meal ready for him to come home to. He deserves more and I can't give that to him.
And before I get comments about how I should talk to him or ask him for help let me just make it clear that I DO. But I'm tired of always having to ask or tell him. He's an adult, I'm not his mom, he should know to take care of his responsibilities. He knows I feel, this isn't the first I've told him.