Trigger; Domestic violence

I don’t talk about my divorce or the events that led up to it publicly. I try to keep a vast majority of that part of my life out of the light because it has no reason to be there. That being said, I’m tired of being silent.

Y’all want to sit around asking why women in abusive relationships stay? There’s NO one to truly help us out.

My sons father shoved me into a wall for the first time when I was 5 months pregnant. It was his birthday. I made him a cake. He became angry when I cracked a joke inferring that he was a woman. His mother was standing there and yet she did nothing. Over the course of my 4, almost 5 year relationship that man hit me countless times. Visible bruises, covered bruises, emotional scarring, sometimes I thought that would be my last day. And yet, I stuck around because at least if I’m there I know what’s happening with my son. He won’t have him alone. I can be the punching bag when he’s angry and my son is older. It won’t have to become nasty. I can make it 18 years, right?


I filed for divorce not long after my sons father flipped a couch cushion my child and I were both sitting on. His 1st act of violence in front of my son. His 2nd, hitting me in front of him a few days later. The 3rd, he took my son and was refusing to return him to me. When I finally talked him into letting me have him again he got into my car and refused to get out - I called someone to come get us and he continuously punched the radio in my car with my son strapped into his car seat just feet away. The entire divorce process was a fucking DISASTER. But, at least I have a chance to get my kid away from that kind of behavior, right?


My sons dad was arrested after he hit me the last time. He was placed on a domestic violence intervention program in which he was put on a year of probation and mandatory anger management classes. Not even a month later he violated that probation by punching my car radio. What did they give him when he pleaded guilty to domestic violence? A YEAR OF PROBATION AND ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES. So. The state of Texas put him on probation, and when he broke that probation he just got more? A week and a half ago he assaulted someone in front of my son AGAIN. He doesn’t call my son when he doesn’t have him. He doesn’t pay his child support. He is simply hung up on the fact that I am no longer his punching bag.

Fast forward to today. He missed his pickup for Thanksgiving break. I arrived 5 minutes early and waited 15 minutes after the scheduled time. I gave him a schedule of our pickups/drop offs for the rest of the year on October 30th. I texted him Monday to remind him about the drop off this week. He didn’t show. I had to make arrangements for child care out of town because his daycare is closed this week and I work. Tell me why this man can find out where I let my kid go, drive down there and pick him up when he didn’t care enough to show up in the first place. Tell me why that man only wants to have anything to do with my son because it fucks with me. Tell me why I have text messages where he stated how he wanted to mutilate my genitals, and phone calls recorded where he admitted to kicking my ass for years but the court system thinks it’s okay to let him have unsupervised visitation with my child? Why he can just do as he pleases and have to face ZERO consequences?

WE DONT LEAVE because there’s no one in our corner. Y’all stop bashing women who stay because you’ve got no idea what’s going on behind our closed doors.