11/28/18

Sa

A year ago today, 11/28/18, I went through one of the most difficult things I have had to cope with.

I had a missed miscarriage. For weeks I had been walking around happy and unassuming. My husband and I were so excited to have our first baby. But at our ten week ultrasound our dream was shattered. My doctor sent me home with a prescription to help move things along. On 11/28/18, I took the prescription...it was the worst day of my life. The weeks that followed weren’t great either, but that was definitely the hardest day. We’ve since started trying again, but nothing has happened yet. It’s a hard reality to face. It would be easy for me to spend today mourning.

Instead I’m going to be thankful.

🦃 I’m grateful for the happiness we felt when we found out we were pregnant. We were filled with so much joy and excitement. It was such a happy and love-filled time.

🦃 I’m grateful for the conversations we were forced to have. We had some hard talks we’d never had before and I am so thankful that experience gave us the chance to open up a dialogue about certain things. We are so much more open with each other now.

🦃 I’m grateful to have realized how much love we have to give and how truly ready we are to bring a life into the world. We have no doubts about any future children we may have.

🦃 I’m grateful for the opportunity to grieve together. We had to support each other through shared pain and sorrow. We are bonded in a way I never even knew was possible. We fight and love with so much more respect for one another now.

🦃 I’m grateful for the chance to try again. We are healthy and hopeful!

🦃 I’m grateful for the successes we have had this year personally and professionally. This loss has motivated. It’s easy to feel like a failure when each month goes by and we are still not pregnant. So I have learned to celebrate other successes when they come.

🦃 I’m grateful for the family and friends who were so unconditionally supportive when we needed it most. Our home was flooded with cards and flowers. My coworkers were quick to cover shifts and give me bereavement leave. It was incredible to feel so much love and support.

🦃 To my angel: I’m so grateful to have shared a short part of my life with you. I never met you, but I loved you and always will. I will take some time to mourn you today, the anniversary of our parting, but I won’t dwell on it too long because God works in mysterious ways.

One day we will have our baby, and this experience has made me so much more grateful for that future.

Happy Thanksgiving y’all!