All my life I thought my talent would be being a mom...I couldn't wait to get pregnant! Every trimester was so exciting! He was born and is so beautiful. I love him beyond belief! He is 19 months old, filled with energy, sass and a little mommy's boy.

I really do not like being a mom.

You have to completely forget about yourself and focus solely on your child ensuring they don't get hurt, eat something they shouldn't, make sure they take their naps, eat all their food, tell them no 100 times a day, hold them while they scream and kick just to get a sock on. Being a mom is the most exhausting job I have ever done.

I am a stay at home mom and now we have baby #2 on the way due in just 20 weeks.

I wanted both of these babies but I just can't help wishing It was 3 years ago where i could say you know what i think i need to wait and see if this is something I truly want to do. Because frankly I am not happy.

I don't anyone else to watch my son if I got a job and especially when our new baby is born.

But I am having such a hard time finding happiness in anything. If our son is with us, I can never enjoy myself because he is either hanging off of me, I'm holding him or I'm making sure he isn't getting hurt by himself or other kids. And if he isnt with us then I'm worrying that he is okay and not choking on something.

Maybe it's just my hormones or maybe I'm just being selfish

And in January I am starting online college full time to get my associates degree because my parents wouldn't let me go to college. So on top of a two year old and an infant I am a college student.

but I need help.

I love my son so very much he means the world to me but if I could go back in time....