Amazing mother/daughter relationships????

My bf and I have been trying to conceive #1 for almost 6 months now. This is our first cycle using clomid. Today is cycle day 5 and the first day I will be taking it.

I am SO petrified to have a daughter. I've been struggling with this since before we were even talking about starting a family. I feel like I should be over it by now but I'm not.

My relationship with my mother was bad while I was growing up. I didn't realize how screwed up she was until I was in my upper teens and would easily go over a year not talking to her. She is just very disconnected from reality and isnt able to relate to others or show any type of compassion. Now that I'm older (27) I have a better relationship with her because I have been able to accept her for who she is... flaws and all. She has some characteristics that I find admirable and I try to think of them before I think of her flaws.

An example of something screwed up that she did-- I used to be very over weight. I lost over 100 pounds around 3 years ago. Her and I went on vacation a year ago and while she was drunk she was telling me how beautiful I was and somehow ended up saying that I wasnt beautiful when I was overweight. I tried correcting her because she was drunk and I wanted to give her the opportunity to better clarify what she meant. I said "You mean I looked worn out and heavy and unhealthy but I was still beautiful right?" And she said no. You weren't beautiful, you looked horrible. And as much as it broke my heart I told myself she was just drunk and that I would ask her about it the next day and I was sure she would apologize and clarify what she meant. But the next day came and when I told her what she said and gave her the opportunity to correct herself she told me that she meant it. I told her that it is not ok to say something like that to her daughter. I said it's screwed up for her to even think that way, let alone say it to my face. She said it was the truth, shrugged it off and that was the end of it.

She had major postpartum depression after she gave birth to me. She thought I was going to be a boy and when I ended up being a girl she thought the hospital was giving her the wrong baby. It was like she spent 9 months growing her baby boy and then this random baby girl popped out and she didnt have any connection with me. She felt like she lost her baby boy. That's how I wound up immediately being a daddys girl.

I NEVER want to be the type of mom that she is. I see her in myself more and more the older that I get but I will never be as heartless (and ignorant about it) as she is. But I am tough to get along with too.

My relationship with my dad is amazing and idk what I would do without him. And I worry that if I have a girl she will automatically be a daddys girl the same way that I am and that she'll never love me the way she loves her dad.

I am so so petrified to have a daughter. I know that I will be able to find out the gender of my baby ahead of time so I'll be able to come to terms with the gender and will have more than half of my pregnancy to bond with him or her. I am hoping that 5ish months would be enough time to form a bond with a baby girl, so when she comes out I won't be scared... I would want to be confident in my relationship with her.

I'm sure lots of you ladies have amazing bonds with your baby girls... I'd love to hear your stories... whether you've gone through the same struggle I'm going through or not... thanks in advance for sharing xoxo