Drama over planning the shower for my one and only baby has erupted into a full meltdown. I lost it with my mom- which actually ended up being really healthy and healing and we are now on the same page. It freaked me out because this pregnancy has been lovely and I've managed to work through stress and stay pretty zen and have an attitude of gratitude.

I want to do the same with his mom, but she is being kind of awful and totally manipulative/controlling. I am trying to remain calm and wait to talk with my partner and maybe let him handle his mom. She has gone so far as to contact his sister (more on her later) to care for my (not born yet) child when I go back to work, and worded it like 'oh you can check childcare off your to-do list'- what the actual fuck?! I am an early childhood educator (about 20 years in the field) and have been studying development and psychology (degree this spring- yay) so I'm not a helpless first time mom in this department and I didn't ask for her to help in this way. I want her to back off. I initially thought she meant well but was just had different opinions and style, but she has overstepped and been really rude. For instance: after a discussion about formula/breastmilk where I specifically stated my intention to breastfeed, she went on a tirade about how all breastfed children cry all the time and are sickly. It's beginning to affect my mood and outlook. I'm worried about future family events. His sister has 3 children who MIL provided childcare for and, while I love and respect her I do not agree with her parenting style (I do follow her lead with her children when I with them/ when they are in my care because I respect her).

Baby comes in March, I'll have until the end of August to stay home and care for our child. I'm thinking that by June/July I'll have a settled routine of what I want and how I want it done (breast milk, diapering, play, sleep routine, etc) and if folks are not 100% on board then they are not caring for our child. I feel like my natural state of respecting others opinions and ideals is not being reciprocated and I worry about coming home to our child being cared for in a way that I don't find appropriate.