I’m fat, I was always chubby growing up. You would think me always hearing that I was fat or chubby growing up would help me in the process to make me shed it. I finally lost 40+ pounds over about 2 years ago. I, then became pregnant with my daughter and gained around 40 pounds. After I had her I lost 20 pounds almost instantly, then while breastfeeding her I gained loads of weight. I’m not even sure how much because I don’t own a scale. My muffin top is so disgusting and my stomach has never hung over this bad. I lack motivation and I’m lazy. I stay home with my daughter and just work some on the weekends at a theatre. I sit around most my days. I feel ugly and atrocious, I don’t know how my husband is attracted to me. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about this, they wouldn’t understand. Why am I like this? I can’t keep living like this my whole life. I’m so tired of hating my body and being fat, I just want to feel sexy. Oh, and on top of this we want our children close in age so we were nonchalantly having unprotected sex. So there’s a slim chance there, and the only thing holding me back some is gaining more weight. But, part of me is also like I could get it over and done with. I’m sorry this is so long, I’m just lonely with no one to chat with this about.

UPDATE:

So I am pregnant, I am happy about it. But I’m also pretty down about it too. I don’t want to get bigger 😭😭😭😭