Depression

I need to get this out of my system some way or another. Almost a year ago my life changed. I took the initiative to leave my “fiancée “ for over 5 years. I still remember that day Christmas 2015 it was a special moment as we opened our gift in front of his parents. We have a baby almost 3 , before getting pregnant we had a very good relationship everything was really good we had our problems here and there but gotten fixed. After i got pregnant things changed the most happiest time in my life slowly became the worst, we started having more problems because he likes going out (understandable) but got to a point of coming home too late, we never really had much fun as a couple like going out together to dance or drink etc i felt pushed away and he wanted to spend more time with his friends. I felt unappreciated bc i held him down and forgave a lot of things he put me through . Well we barely had sex i was wrong for that too but i was pregnant so many emotions and losing my body and him doing these things didnt make me want to have sex with him. I lost myself emotionally physically and mentally. We hd the baby and he changed didnt want me anymore i became unattractive bc of my weight. I became depressed and it was the worst moment in my life that i went through i needed him there for me but it was too much for him i guess. Im hurt because our family broke ofc but i am more hurt because i was made a fool off and disrespected as a woman and also as his friend. Cheated and lied to. What hurts the most is that that person couldnt be there for me in my worst moment of life. I feel hurt bc the person i fell in love with no longer exists and the person i see now is someone I don’t know. Im hurt because i was painted a picture that was not true at all. Yes he helped me but it was things a man was supposed to do for his woman. I felt like less of a woman so insecure so broken and lied to. I feel like i will never ever be able to get rid of the hurt in my heart bc my heart physically hurts bc of the pain and everything that i went through. To be told by the person that you were in love with that they dont want you that they dont love you so blunty and disregarding your feelings is so painful and i dont wish that pain on nobody. Every time i think about those moments where i wanted a kiss a hug or even sex and i now understand that it was bc that person was doing it just to do it and not because they wanted it makes me feel so shitty so low that it hurts me. To carry a baby and then having your life crumble down upon you is something i dont want to go through again. I dont want to have hate in my heart but idk how to react to a person that made me feel so down and so insecure of myself its so sad to me because i was never this person and look what i am now i don’t recognize myself when i look in the mirror how did i let a man tear me down so badly and took so long to leave the picture is beyond me. I hope soon God will take this pain of out my heart. Not pain bc im no longer with that person but pain that i did my all and i still wasn’t enough for that person and got betrayed that bad for almost 6 years basically wasted time .