My imperfectly perfect pregnancy.

This is strictly my own experience. It’s different for each individual.

I’m 21. Got told at 17 I’d never conceive. I got with my SO in October 2018. We’re currently 29+6! Both ftp.

I know everyone seems to point out the beauty in pregnancy too, you hear it goes two ways, you either glow or you look a wreck....ladies I am a walking mess!

I found out at 4weeks! A week before my period was due I took a test. I was over the moon. 5 weeks-16 weeks I had severe sickness. Prescribed Zantac but it didn’t help at all. So I was then given Cyclizine at 17 weeks. Chuffed! No more sickness!!

Every scan, every midwife I had anxiety, is my baby okay? Will I be okay? The normal worries.

20 weeks comes around, I’m waddling, my hair is so dull and just gets shoved up, I’m breaking out badly on my face & shoulders, then my back! But I didn’t care, gender reveal happened and I was so over the moon! My little BOY!💙

Forward to 26weeks, his arms and legs aren’t growing to well. They are just above 5th percentile. - referred to a specialist. Forward to 28weeks, I’m constantly feeling weak, headaches, hip pains, nausea. I see the specialist, baby’s now 2lb 9oz!! But his arms and legs are below 5th percentile.

They speak of skeletal dysplasia, ask about family members, genetics, all the things they need to rule out. I of course worry. This is my boy, my baby, my everything.

The pains, sickness, illness, all of it means nothing to me aslong as my boy is healthy.

I then get prescribed aspirin and omeprazole, I’m already on folic acid, gaviscon and cyclizine. I’m now riddled with anxiety. Every week I have to have CTG to monitor baby. Every 2 weeks I have to be scanned. Heck, I have scans on both 23-12 & 24-12.

I also have my own health issues, cerebellum ectopia and intercranial hypertension, both diagnosed in 2017. So not pregnancy related, nor weight related. The underlying cause is unknown. So I worry for myself to. Will I die in labour? Will I be okay? I could possibly loose my vision. Will I ever see my child grow up? These are the things I now worry about. Is that selfish to be concerned for myself as well as my boy? No of course not. Because although I am yet to have my baby, I am a mother. I have a life inside of me that I don’t want to miss out on, a child I want and will smother with my love and care.

My pregnancy has been far from easy but I’ll be damned if I don’t be the mother I always dreamed of being. Like I said every pregnancy is different but this is mine so far. Itsnot all been beautiful and amazing, it’s been hard, there have been nights where I’ve cried myself to sleep non stop. Where I have panic attacks and worry, where I go silent for days just thinking about my baby. I’ve been through so much shit in life already, Trying to tell myself I won’t be the mum mine was or claimed to be. I’ll be amazing and I’ll give my baby the world. There have been days where I felt on top of the world and days where I lay in bed not showered, not brushed my teeth just laid there singing to my bump and crying. Every experience is completely different, I guess I wanted a perfect pregnancy, I’m glad I haven’t had that because my unborn baby has taught me more than anyone else in the world has, he’s shown me a new meaning to life and love and he’s not even in my arms yet 💙

If you read this all, thank you. There’s no true meaning behind this post. I guess I just wanted to share💙