1.30AM

That’s what time I miscarried my precious little one. Middle of the night, as my husband and the world slept. I didn’t know what was going on, though I had a D&C scheduled for the morning. I had been having cramps all week.. coming and going in strength. Didn’t realize I was actively miscarrying. Nobody warns you about the pain.. it’s more than just a heavy period.

I feel so alone tonight, just as I did a year ago. My husband refuses to acknowledge today as the day we lost the baby, since our babies heart stopped a week or so before.

Dealing with recovering from a surgery last week, all this talk of holidays and seeing my in laws.. I don’t feel very jolly. I’m struggling. I’m mourning. I’m worried about my health as I feel I’m having complications from my surgery.

I want to stay home. I want to stay on the couch or not leave my bed. I don’t want to see people who will say “Oh you can eat whatever you want now.” I don’t want to hear the “Maybe next year you guys will have a baby”.. we were supposed to have one. But that baby is in heaven.

😭❤️