Does any one else have hazy memories of their birth and feel disappointed by it?

I only had gas and air but I was exhausted by time we came to pushing and we ended up pushing for 3 hours as my baby’s arm was stuck up by her face (she ended up breaking her collar bone as a result 😢).

My fiancé said it was a really bizarre thing to watch because between each contraction to push with I’d fall asleep from a the exhaustion and he would struggle to wake me up, only the pain of the contraction would wake me up.

I just can’t remember a lot of it and it really bugs/upsets me. I could understand if I was on strong pain meds but I wasn’t 😔