SO & my mother - advice ?

i’m so tired of all this drama. i need some advice.

so my mom finally left my dad after 20+ years of an abusive relationship. she started messing w a new guy & things were fine til they stopped talking. after like 2 years he got tired of her always arguing w him about paying her back. this happened at the SAME time my SO & i got involved w each other. so august, everything’s fine, september october.. then november.

my grandma casually mentioned that my mom had made comments about my SO to her.

• he’s actually 30

• he’s cheating on me & giving me UTIs

• he got someone else pregnant (i’ve known this, but a paternity test hasn’t been done yet so i didn’t tell my grandma)

• he abuses me

like 🤔 huh? & my mom even went as far to say she’s seen the bruises & i hide them, etc. (my dad cheated on her & was abusive, he also got someone else pregnant while they were together. so i think she was projecting). obviously i’m pissed but my grandma was just like “you know she runs her mouth” & she was probably just mad now that i wasn’t around all the time (she demanded my attention 24/7 after her & my dad split).

whatever, so i confront her & guess what. the narcissist she is, she turns around & says she never said that. she went as far as to threaten to beat me up. she said a lot of fucked up shit but i only cared about her shot talking my SO. she said that it was “what people were telling her” well A.) my SO isn’t 30, hes 25, ive seen his ID & why would i lie when i’m 21 & completely legal? & B.) he isn’t from around here so no one she knows would know him. i told her i just wanted to know who said it & we could move past it.

welllll she never told me. i eventually caved & started talking to her again. she tried to talk to me like the argument didn’t happen & i ignored her til then.

since i’ve been speaking to her again, my SO has been standoffish about me hanging around her.

• she said all that stuff

• she always has random ass guys over in their 20s

• he doesn’t trust her

i understand all his points & i actually leave every time she invites one of her 25 year old “friends” over.

i just want to spend time around my mom only because my little sister is 15 & i miss her (my sister). my mom never apologized or even admitted she was wrong.

it’s almost january. should i talk to her about how he feels? should i stop going around her? am i an asshole? who’s the asshole here?

i really don’t know what to do. i don’t want my SO being uncomfortable when i’m with my mom & sister but my mom will never change. i would also be extremely hurt if his mom said untrue things about me to his grandma, so i really see everyone’s side 😞