My husband is miserable and it's ruining our lives. He's in a really shitty job that doesn't pay him enough for the back breaking labor he does. His asshole boss has had him on 12 hour graveyards for 7 weeks straight (he still gets his days off though). He's had a stomach problem for the last 6 years that's getting really really bad and the specialist can't figure out what it is and he may need surgery. He's lost 40lbs because of his stomach pains and he's down to 150lbs at 6'1. His family is so full of drama and his abusive dad has suddenly decided to be a Saint and try to get back into our life. Our $3000 pellet stove that's only 2 years old broke and he's super handy so he took it completely apart and can't find anything wrong with it. He's dealing with extreme depression and has expressed suicidal thoughts many times, I even had to take him to the ER because he said he wasn't sure he was safe (he didn't actually attempt suicide but he wanted to). The Dr's at the hospital did literally NOTHING for him and said "well he's not trying to kill him self right now so go home".

I'm fucking killing myself trying to stay positive for both of us. I'm killing myself trying to hide all this from our 3 year old. It takes everything in me to be patient with him and remember that his mental health is bad right now. He's not an asshole to me or our son but he's always walking around under a cloud and I have bad anxiety so I have to remind myself constantly that it's not my fault. I bend over backwards every day making sure the house is spotless and cooking all of his favorite foods to encourage him to eat more. He never expects these things from me but I'm just trying to do everything I can to make him happy.

I truly do not know what to do. It's been like this for a year. I can't remember the last time I felt happy around him. And that hurts so bad because I can't even imagine how he feels. I try so hard not to let him see how unhappy I am because I feel like i need to hold us all up right now. Every now and then I have a fleeting thought that if he did just kill himself my life could be so much easier and I could just move on.. Then I cry myself to sleep because that's such a horrible thing to think and I don't actually want him to die, I just want him to get better. He has a therapist but he's fucking useless. We can't find another therapist because none are accepting bee patients, even the one we have can only see him once every 2 months.

I'm just so tired and lost