No one knows the full story of me being sexually assaulted I started writing to get it off my chest I’m going to keep myself anonymous because I’m not ready to be in the open yet but I feel like this will make me feel better. All i ask for is encouraging words and prayers

Chris is my moms boyfriend they’ve been together since i was only about 4 months old.

After 5th grade I was in Middle school obviously, I hit puberty earlier then i'd like to but you can't really stop that, i got my first period the end of 6th grade I remember this day I was scared and emotional, one day after summer school i'd thought i peed on myself at school even though i have no recollection of when that would've been but not once has "i just started my first period" crossed my mind so i told myself as soon as i get home i'd take a shower, so that's exactly what I did, i gathered my clothes getting ready for my shower i went to the bathroom and peed before my shower then i so happened to look down and seen blood! When i tell you i had a heart attack, I damn near did.

  "MOMMMMM!" "I'M BLEEDING" i'm freaking out

She must've been prepared for this day because she just responded "there's pads under the sink" so calm.

about 5 mins later she came to the bathroom and told me i started my period and told me to take a shower and she washed my clothes. i just turned 12 to I was definitely caught off guard.

Ha! 7th grade. this will be one of the most important years. I ended up going to a different school. Montessori. this year was definitely a life changer. Me and My best friend that I had met the summer of 5th grade had reconnected we ended up going to the same school this is the same year I met my other best friend both of their names are Gabby/Gabbie. This is also the same year i got in my first real fight, not that it was much of a fight but you know. I ended up getting into this fight with this girl who was a grade older than me it was definitely a scene a whole bunch of females in the bathroom the whole thing. we ended up getting suspended for like 2 weeks I got home and Chris beat my ass, and when i say beat my ass I mean literally, you know the green extension cord he grabbed that and started hitting me, mind you in 7th grade i was barely 5'0" and i was about 120lbs he is a big man about 6'3" hovering around 200-250lbs and heavy handed as fuck. I had big ass welts on my arm, and he busted my lip, I still have the scars on my arm til this day, my mom didn't really care all she said was "next time don't leave any marks on her" (excuse my language) but BITCH WHAT ??? the fuck you mean next time?? I eventually went back to school and I remember me and my best friends were in the bathroom and i was showing them the marks and my teacher Mrs. G came in and seen and she pulled me to the side and asked me where'd I gotten them from and I just got silent. Her job as a teacher was to call CPS no matter what. She did and that night i got home and took a bath I got out and there was a lady from CPS she talked to me and my brother and ended up taking us from my mom and Chris that night. That's when i met Penny and Tom, it took me a while to open up but I fell in love with them they were really caring probably the best foster parents anyone could ask for. My brother ended up going home very soon he was only there for about 2 months but I was there for almost a whole year. I definitely wasn't perfect there I had a lot of emotional trauma but I'm thankful i got that experience. When I got home that December after I turned 13 everything seemed normal but every little thing i did my mom put blame on me always telling me it's my fault that i got her son taken away and all that other stuff shit, she was probably right, maybe it was my fault but despite what she may think she was my favorite person in the world I just wanted her to see that.

    I guess I had what they call "daddy issues" I tried to confide in other people to fill that void I've always had. Yeah Chris was a father figure to me and he did a good job but He wasn't MY dad, he was my brothers dad and even though he treated me like his daughter there just was something I was missing. I need validation, I needed to be enough. So what came next will be one of my greatest regrets, I lost my virginity way too young, I believe I was going on 14. They didn't know though. No one knew but me and the guy I was with. I felt like a complete failure.

So i stopped talking to guys for a while until December 2014, but we're not quite there yet. March 2014 I met this girl she was a couple years younger then me but we clicked she stayed literally 2 mins away walking. at the time i was 13 and she had a brother who was a little older than me I think he was 16 or 17, he was so cute to me. One day my mom was at the doctor after i got out of school and I didn't have the key to the house so I went over my friend's house, her brother liked me too we kissed but nothing else, I ended up getting in trouble the next day and my mom swore up and down that I had sex with him but I didn't. After that came December 2014 and this is when everything changed.