Writing this at 2:53 AM on a Christmas morning so you know this shit is really buggin me.

I’ve been dating this guy for a year and a half. We are very much in love and plan on getting married.

I guess I’m seeking any kind of advice or words of wisdom from people who have or have had similar experiences.

Not really sure where to begin but I’d say that the problem is two fold. My boyfriend is really lost in life, and has a terrible relationship with his family. Both issues play into each other. I’m 19 and he’s 21, so I can totally relate to him being lost because we’re young, that’s common, we haven’t got life totally figured out yet. But he is way more lost than me. This is understandable considering his circumstances - his dad beat him as a kid, left and died of a prescription overdose when he was about 12. His mom also almost died and was badly injured in car accident a few years later. He comes from a wealthy family and otherwise had a happy childhood. Given what he’s been through he’s an incredibly emotionally intelligent guy and superrr funny, smart, and talented.

But he does have severe ADD and social anxiety. For that reason he has always struggled in school a lot and didn’t have many friends until college, where he basically reinvented himself.

Now he’s all partied out, has since transferred twice, and is just dying to graduate. He studies computer science and has an EXTREMELY hard time focusing. To the extent that it inhibits him from doing virtually anything. He’s tried almost every medication to treat it but nothing works. At this point, it’s made him really hopeless and as if he‘s incapable of doing work. That, paired with his social anxiety and growing up without a father figure has really made him feel alienated from society. His mom has always worked and been pretty absent in his life too, so he never had a strong support system to help him during his most transformative years. For that reason he feels really really behind. His friends from highschool are all graduating and getting jobs, meanwhile he says he feels like he still has the mind of a 16 year old. He doesn’t have a part time job or anything, not because he’s lazy but because of his mental state. He’s insanely depressed, negative and cynical of everyone and the world because of how bad his luck constantly seems to be. Like for instance he’s the most depressed he’s been in months but we just got in a car crash and he has to buy a whole new car. I guess what I’m trying to say is adult life is just crashing down on him all at once and it’s really overwhelming.

I really feel for him and it hurts me to see. But what’s more upsetting is how his family reacts. His mom never listens to him, treats him horribly (has told him to kill myself multiple times among other cruel things), and she and his grandparents constantly tell him he’s dramatic, needs to man up and take responsibility. He tries to communicate that it’s a deeper issue and he needs help. Still they tend to tear him down and he’s very alone. I’m pretty much all he has. Recently he’s made some rather suicidal remarks and it’s terrifying me. He’s my world.

I’m not even totally sure what I’m expecting in writing this especially seeing how long it is. I just needed to vent and want some guidance. This is a guy I am going to plan my life around. We work well together and make eachother extremely happy. But I’m struggling myself with an eating disorder, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety and am pretty lost as well. I want to be mentally healthy and financially secure in our future, but that seems pretty far off. I’m young but not naïve, and refuse to let my partner be dependent on me or a project to “fix”. That’s not the case now, but I can see how it could be. I want to avoid that and have a happy life with him. What the hell am I supposed to do?

Crushing on someone you shouldnt