Has anyone had experience with being gender fluid in the community?

I am just starting to understand my identity and come out, and while I am in a relationship currently, the guy is vanilla (he was confused, but supportive) and it might not last long (long story, not super relevant). While he’s been great as I have no regrets, I still have my needs and interests. I’m an s-type who likes role playing and mild freaky stuff.

Now, this is where the gender stuff comes in. I have a female body that I do not want to permanently modify. She/they works for me. I do however want to change my presentation depending on the day, and I want that respected and also not sexualized. The sexualizing was a problem with being pan, at least online, and I would prefer to know so I can steel myself. There’s also a lot of people with shall I say backwards ideas about gender, and finally I’m not sure how appealing that is to people really.