After 3 months of TTC, our biggest “problem” was my husband not being about to cum. He says it’s too much pressure, though even when I’m not in my fertile window he still can’t do it (and on those days he’s like “well you’re not in your fertile week so it doesn’t matter!”) This was a problem for him before we were TTC, too. He’s been to the doctor and there’s nothing physically wrong. I don’t know what the problem is but it became such a huge source of stress and arguments for both of us that last month we just said let’s drop it and we hadn’t had sex or even talked about sex or a baby, for the past month.

Last night I realized how much I missed the closeness of sex with him and it felt ridiculous that we had to avoid it like a taboo subject, so I initiated. He went along with it, and once we started actually having sex (after the foreplay) he was doing it at a really weird rhythm that I couldn’t get into, and when I asked what he was doing he just stopped, and then just started fingering me. I asked what was going on and he was like “I can’t cum. I masturbated 3 days ago.” (3 days ago though......?!?) I just told him to stop because I wasn’t in the mood anymore and he was acting shocked that I didn’t want him to make ME cum, and “isn’t that why you initiated sex?” I’m like “umm no, I initiated sex because I wanted to feel close to my husband...” He just says “oh.” Then we went to sleep.

I’m so beyond upset and at a complete loss for what to do. He and I talk about EVERYTHING, so the fact that this is a subject I feel like I can’t talk to him about (because every conversation about it is an endless and unproductive circle, that just results in more frustration) is just so strange and upsetting to me. The thing is, during this past month of not having sex and not talking about sex, we’ve barely argued at all. Our marriage would be doing GREAT actually, if sex wasn’t a thing....... but it is, and even when we’re doing good, there’s still this huge elephant the room.

I still want a baby, and I’m honestly scared to ask him if he’s up to trying again this month (my fertile window starts in a few days). Beyond that I just miss sex with my husband. I thought that maybe the best solution would be to stop “trying” to conceive, and just have sex and see what happens. But even when it’s not baby-related (like last night) it’s just so weird and awkward and tense, and he STILL can’t cum. I just don’t know what to do 😓