Difficult start

I'm a FTM and my baby was sick for about 4 weeks with belly issues. It was bad. Like i cant even look at some of the pics from then bc she was so skinny. It was traumatizing. I was overwhelmed. And now that me and babe are doing so good I have all this mom guilt.

I think back to times where baby was trying to communicate with me and I wasn't getting it. IDK if I'm making sense but I just feel like I shouldve realized sooner that her belly was messed up or times she was fussy just bc she was hungry.

We were at the pediatricians office twice a week for almost 6 weeks at his request bc she was struggling so bad in the beginning. I honestly do not know how we made it through it. And now I just feel like maybe it was all my fault and now I'm sad to have never had that newborn snuggly time.

We are so bonded and it's amazing how much she lights up when I come home from work but I just am emotional bc I feel like I should've been more assertive for her. I let some family visit too often and I wish I had stood up for myself.

Lord have mercy I'm rambling... Just needed to write all this out I guess to vent. I love being her mommy so very much. But mom guilt is awful.