How to know if your “in love”

So I got out of an abusive, near death relationship almost 2 years ago. I’m barely getting myself back out there, but the 2 relationships don’t last more than a week because I get sick of being around them all the time... it’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship. I’ve given myself time, but this guy I have hung out with 2x (no sex, kissing, or cuddling, only adventures). He also works in the kitchen as a cook (I’m a CNA), so I see him just about everyday. We have texted everyday and when he hugs me it’s comforting. We even went ghost hunting together for the first hangout. I’ve never actually been “in love” and I’m terrified of a new relationship due to my 5 year relationship that LITERALLY suffocated me and nearly killed me. I look at falling “in love” as a princess Disney movie, and not a serious thing. Idk what to do with my life.. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m 22 almost 23, I don’t care to have a man make me less independent, nor be at my ass every waking second, but I crave some sort of affection.

I don’t know how to love

I’ve never seen a successful relationship growing up

I have difficulty expressing emotion

When I feel someone getting attached to me, I immediately put a wall up.

Anyone know how to open myself up but not dangerously?

Shall I just live in my stubborn rock for the rest of my life. I’m young so I’m not 100% worried, just looking for some advice.