Crush making me feel slightly crazy 🥴

So here’s what’s going on here. My fiancé and I both love to watch this group of YouTubers. We’ve watched their series on YouTube for about a month now and I have developed a silly schoolgirl crush on one of them.

At first I didn’t tell him because I thought it was silly and I kept trying to deny it within myself. Well then we were talking about this particular YouTuber in the car a week later and he noticed I got all giggly and blushy. He said “you have a crush on him don’t you?” And I giggled and said “yes ugh fine!” Surprisingly he was super happy about it, he thinks it’s adorable especially when he picks on me about it.

It’s making me feel kind of crazy and loopy though and I’m not sure that’s normal for a crush on someone whose somewhat famous. Sometimes I feel weak and shaky which I just noticed in these last few weeks when these feelings started. I tossed it up to bleeding a ton during my period. But it only makes me feel crazy at certain times and it’s rare. It’s really only when im really busy at work or at the most unfitting times. But when I’m with my fiancé it doesn’t cross my mind until he starts teasing me about it and then it goes away until the next time.

But alas, it’s still just an innocent schoolgirl crush. However I did send him a friendly (non-creepy) message telling him we’re huge fans of his videos and that we’d love to meet him if he ever came near us as well as some possible topics for future videos. My fiancé knows about this, I even showed him the message and he thought it was great. This was about 2 weeks ago and on Christmas Day he replied and said something along the lines of “hey thank you! Glad you enjoy the videos and Merry Christmas!” So that was cool.

I don’t know what it is about him though. Maybe it’s because his videos are topics that I’ve been mesmerized by since I was a kid and I look up to him in a sense? Maybe it’s just an admiration. I mean he is cute as hell too with his big blue eyes that make me melt. But I do see a lot of myself in him. And maybe that’s what it all boils down to.

I just needed to vent about it and get it all off my chest. And for the record, I have no intention of tracking him down and starting anything. I don’t really see him like that. I don’t want anything romantic or sexual, that weirds me out. I’ve thought about it a few times and it’s not what I’m feeling. I guess I just want to be friends with him more than anything and share stories of our adventures. It’s just a silly little schoolgirl crush and I intend completely for it to stay that way. And I’m glad my fiancé is supportive of it. That makes all the difference to me because if he wasnt, I’d let it go. But it doesn’t interfere with our relationship at all because I know when to reel it in.