My husband and I have been married for 9 years come this March and we have been together for 11 years total.

We have had our ups and downs and struggles just as any other couple. We have been through so much hardship together and have endured many troubles including a brief breakup when we were dating and emotional cheating on both ends throughout the years as our connection to each other dwindled from lack of effort to work on us while life took its toll on our relationship.

He works hard, long hours and sometimes 7 day weeks and I stay home with our 4 children, so finding time for each other and making intimacy a priority has been almost nonexistent. These past 4 years has been the hardest on us as we suffered a massive blow to our relationship while living with his parents for 3 years to try and save money to get a home that wasn't run by a slum lord. We eventually did move out and get our own place when I finally had enough and left because his mother and I didn't see eye to eye and constantly had arguments and at one point a fist fight. I was so over the drama and had to get out for my sanity.

Sadly, things did not get better.

I found out that husband had been having an affair with a female coworker at his new job since mid November.

I am heartbroken and devastated and even depressed. He admitted to everything when I had confronted him about it. It has been an extremely rough few weeks as I struggled to decide whether I should stay or leave. He said he was conflicted on what to do because he says he loves me but also loves his girlfriend and that he doesn't want to hurt me, but that he also wants to be with her.

I told him that he can't have both of us and that he would have to make a decision very soon or that I would make it for him because I can't hang by a thread while I wait for him to make up his mind.

After a lot of thinking, tears, heartfelt talks, and a few breakdowns... I decided that I do still want to be with my husband. I love him too much to let go and I will fight to keep him if I can, he is my everything and I forgive him for the betrayal and hurt. I understand that when people become so disconnected that things like this can happen, but that doesn't make it right nor does it justify the damage it causes. I want us to work together to repair our marriage if we can. I can't make him fall back in love with me or make him stay, but I can be here for him if he decides to stay and get marriage counseling with me.

I wrote him a 4 page forgiveness/love letter tonight and now all I can do is hope and pray that my husband will come back to me and choose to love me again.

If he chooses to be with the other woman it will be a long and difficult journey for our family as I will not stay with him if he does. If he doesn't want me anymore I will have to force myself to let him go and get a divorce.

*UPDATE* 1-10-2020

Today I went and got myself tested for STDs because I've been having cramps and foul smelling discharge.

That son of a bitch gave me an STD.

I contracted Trichomoniasis and it caused me to get bacterial vaginosis.

I wont know the rest of my results until next week.

I really hope he didn't give me anything else.

He wants to go get tested together with his filthy ugly ass tramp of a slut. At this point that disgusting bitch can have him. I can't believe he would risk both of our health for a factory rat whore. Fucking husband stealing dirty cunt. Forgive my vulgarity, I'm just really pissed off now.

If I had known sooner that he had been cheating I never would have had sex with him.