input from rainbow baby moms?

kasey

i'm pregnant again after my 3rd miscarriage- (i have a 7 year old, we started trying for a second child 2 and a half years ago- had an early mc at 5 weeks, followed by a normal period and then had a mc at 4 weeks 1 days. was never able to get pregnant after that. we didnt do any testing bcuz of the cost- but i did have ultrasounds, investigative laparoscopy and tube flush. nothing found. we gave up and decided to go down another rd, just got our foster license but no kids yet)

out of the blue- after 2 and a half years of infertility i suddenly missed my period and found out i was pregnant in october. the only thing that had changed was that i had started taking an antidepressant a few months before (to treat a nerve disorder- but it definitely helped me feel more emotionally stable)

tests started getting lighter at 5 weeks and i knew what was about to happen - again. eventually it showed negative and i miscarried at 5 and a half weeks.

i had a regular period after that and am now, once again unexpectedly pregnant. i dont think i could begin to think express the mental and emotional toll of waiting to find out what is going to happen while expecting yourself to miscarry at any time, and being pregnant again with no hope. but those of you who have been through it, probably know.

im only a few days late, so i still have awhile to go til i hit the 6 week mark when most early miscarriages occur by. (the point at which i would believe i might actually have a baby and go to a doctor for confirmation and care)

now to my question. at this point i know well enough not to allow myself to get my hopes up and try to stay very neutral/negative about the outcome. however that seems very difficult to do when my mind wants to hold on to any variation and wonder if it could mean it could be different this time. what is getting to me now is that so far my test lines have been very dark, wheres they have been fairly light before. i didnt strip chart with my daughter, i just took a fr and went to the doctor. but now im a miscarriage vet so i tape the strips marked by day to watch the line get darker and watch out for it to start getting lighter (which always happens a couple days before the miscarriage because the hcg is dropping) last time i was pregnant i felt worried because i went to the online reviews of the strips i use and everyone else's test lines were so much darker than mine were at the same point. my lines are really dark this time. i know i have to just wait and see, and i dont want to get my hopes up a lot; but i do know that lower levels early on isnt a good sign and iv had fairly light tests with my mc's so far. i did ask a friend who is a labor and delivery surgical tech and had 5 miscarriages becore her kids (her issue was progesterone apparently) but she said the difference between her miscarriages and her pregnancies that continued were that she was finally able to get a positive test earlier on....more hcg. she said the darker lines seem like a good sign. i dont want to feel like an idiot if i thought the 4th time could be the charm but....clearly my hcg level is higher this time around but i just dont know if that actually means anything for me or will make a difference. i would like to know from women who had miscarriages and then had a baby if there was a difference in the darkness of their test lines when they were pregnant and miscarried, and when they had a pregnancy that continued on to birth. iv attached a photo of my line chart from my last pregnancy when i miscarried at 5 weeks, next to my lines so far. the current one spans 4 days and the other about a week

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COMMENT (3)

Ka

Posted at
I don’t have my rainbow yet, but there have been a lot of studies done about initial hcg values and pregnancy outcomes. The general consensus is that higher hcg means more likelihood of a healthy pregnancy. That being said, a urine test will only tell you so much. Having bloods done and getting betas might tell you more. I’m sorry you’ve gone through so much. The first couple of months are hell, especially for those of us who have experienced multiple losses. Sending you hugs.

ka

kasey • Jan 7, 2020
I am also sorry for your losses as well. in the moment I never understood why these things could be happening to me. each miscarriage helped me grow as a person and the last time I wrote my husband and I closer together and even though they hurt a lot I do believe God has a plan and does everything for reason I am trying very hard to place this in his hands and be OK with whatever his plan is here. But I have to admit I am becoming a stressed-out wreck and just trying to remain calm at this point

ka

kasey • Jan 7, 2020
thank you kate, it has been hard. we started trying almoat 3 ueara ago and had 2 early losses, then for reasons unknown never got pregnant again. we spent all of 2019 trying to get our foster care license-we just got it a month or 2 ago, no placements yet. in october my period didnt come and i was very surprised by the positive pregnancy test. i was worried because the lines barely seemed to darken at all. got dark but never got that dark. and then they got lighter and the say after i got a negative i miscarried at 5+3. so that was the farthest I've ever made it in a miscarriage and my tester getting lighter at five weeks which I am today. the lines are still getting darker- its very dark now. i went and had my blood drawn today and also asked them to test progesterone level since I've had recurrent losses and never had progesterone tested. but i dont have the results yet. Of course normal hCG will not mean that I will not miscarry but if it is a defining difference between this pregnancy and my other miscarriages then it may give me some peace of mind while I wait out the next week or 2 and see what happens.