Anxiety, depression and sadness.

Hi ladies. So I have been handling depression and anxiety ever since I was a little girl. I never needed a doctor or meds and even though I tend to be very nervous all the time, I was also living comfortably and always trying to smile. Well I'm 39 now and I feel like I'm losing it. It's a very scary feeling. Sometimes I do feel I'd be better off if I wasnt here but I try very hard to think of my niece at that point. She and I are very close and I couldn't stand hurting her if I chose to do something stupid. So with those scary thoughts and not one second of peace or happiness I went to a doctor. He gave me zoloft but after reading the side effects I was scared to take it. He got kind of nasty and said "well then you need a psychiatrist. I cant help you." 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, I'm now researching help either thru a therapist or psychiatrist but it takes a while to get an appointment. I need help. Do any of you have ways of coping or natural remedies so that I dont feel so scared or sad??? Please ladies, I'm desperate to feel better. I've never been this bad.

Thanks in advance.