I’m a female. My friend is male, and we are both college students.

I met my friend at a party and we hit it off REALLY well. We were always texting for a couple of weeks and then went on a couple of dates and talked about being a thing. I was thinking that the relationship would go really well if we ended up becoming official based on what I knew about him, but then he later told me that he didn’t feel anything romantically even though he really wanted to and he didn’t want to lead me on anymore than he all ready had, and he was really sorry. (I’ve come to find out later that he struggles with having romantic connections in general) I thought that was a fair reason and I wasn’t that upset. But as we’ve gotten closer as friends, I developed feelings for him and that lead me to be frustrated because I know he doesn’t feel the same way.

He’s basically like everything I want in a SO. He’s objectively attractive (to me), he’s a real sweetheart to me and everyone he knows, he communicates REALLY well. I always think about how great he is and I really want nothing but the absolute best for him even if it’s not me. I REALLY do. But I also think about seeing a relationship and a future with him and how awesome all of that would be if he ever ended up feeling the same way.

We’ve eventually hooked up and it has gotten us physically closer (I know, but I’ve thought about this for over a year before I made that decision because I knew for him it was more for physical than romantic reasons. I do not regret it, I don’t feel lead on, and I’m not hurt) but the thing is, whenever we act couple-y like cuddling, holding hands in a crowded city, having sex, kissing, spending time with him, etc. I really enjoy it and would do it all day, but I don’t feel anything deeper than a strong platonic relationship with him. It’s just not the same as whenever I did this with the people I dated before (and they’re downgrades!), when I thought I would feel like I’m in love. It’s almost like what he was telling me when he said he felt a close connection but not a romantic one when we went on those dates. But whenever I’m alone with my thoughts, I still think about him romantically.

So I’m really confused about what’s going on with me. Do I just like the idea of him? Do I actually have a crush on him? What’s going on?