Need to vent

I’m just needing to vent.

I haven’t been in a great place mentally in recent months. Sure, I’ve had my great days and even weeks but when I’m feeling low... it’s low.

It’s been quite a long time since I’ve felt this low... I just feel like I’m sinking in a hole that I can’t crawl out of.

Today was a cake topper. I had my car broken into while I was inside my place of work. Stole my purse and wallet, and other random things that are worthless. My passenger window was smashed. Two other cars with identical males were broken into as well with smashed windows.

My husband says it’s my fault it happened. While yes, I shouldn’t have left my purse in the car, I’m just hurt that’s the first thing he even says to me when I tell him my car was broken into.

When I got rear ended two years ago, only two weeks after I rear ended someone and totaled my car, that was the same reaction when I called him to say I was in an accident “ you hit someone again?!” which that second accident was not my fault (other driver even admitted he wasn’t paying attention) anyways...

Just instantly goes to blame me for anything and everything that goes wrong, even stuff that’s totally out of my control. It’s fucking draining me. I feel worthless. I can tell my anxiety is off the charts because I always scratch my hair in a certain spot when I’m anxious, and I’m starting to lose hair again there 😭 I have to cut my nails super short to keep myself from doing that.

I’m not sure where else to go with this but just needed to vent some place with my current emotions because I know if I do keep them 100% bottled up, I’d do something irrational to myself.

And I already feel better getting that out in words