Kind of hurt

We have been trying for a baby for the longest time and i truly do hope we fall pregnant this year, but part of me is hurt because my sister in law thinks that I’m trying to copy her. Thats what she thought when i had my son even though they were 4 years apart. It is soo hard for me to fall pregnant, and im high risk. My first pregnancy was such a traumatic event for me, due to all the complications and near death experiences for both me and my child. I was so caught up being stressed and worried all the time that I didn’t get to enjoy my pregnancy and now i live with that regret. We are lucky we are both healthy now, but i have hope i will be able to make him a big brother someday. I cant help and cry by what she yelled at me, i have never felt like less of a person😪 I really wish i have another chance to have a little jelly bean and have a whole different experience than previous since it was horrible and i was treated in a way i wouldn’t wish on anybody and had literally no support. But part of me just wants to give up because i feel like i would still get treated the same way and won’t get to enjoy my pregnancy once again since people are already so against it 😢 i know i shouldn’t get to me, but i have been extremely sensitive the last couple of days