Have you ever had to give an ultimatum?

Question

So heres the back story...
I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years. When we first started dating we would talk about getting married, kids, where we want to live etc then those conversations started to die down and we were just enjoying the bf/gf ride because we were young. Over the past 4- 5 years i've expressed the importance of getting married and having children before a certian age. We both work great jobs and get paid extremly well... so why is it he doesnt want us to take the next steps in our relationship?
When I bring up topics like moving in together or starting a family he either just brushes it off never takes me seriously. If i dare mention marriage he says " so youre only in this for a ring" other times its one day it'll happen stop rushing it.
Everyday i'm bombarded with questions of when are we going to get married, when are we going to start a family from friends, family and coworkers and although I laugh it off and just say i dont know. (Yes I know its no ones business) but it honestly puts me back into a dark place because deep down inside i know how badly my heart desires these things.
 I've spent the last few years celebrating everyones engagements, weddings, baby showers, christenings and just hoping and wishing that one day it'll be me. I never knew how much of a toll this would have on me to the fact that it leaves me crying most nights.
Just thinking about it and writing this makes me cry because as much as someone can say that they love you, they say it because they know thats what you want to hear, but they never follow through with the actions
It also leaves me with the thought of maybe im not good enough to be his wife or the mother of his children... maybe im not good enough for anyone.
So heres the deal. I plan on giving him an ultimatum
Either we get married this year... no ifs ands or buts or we call it quits. 
(Yes I know i cant force anyone to marry me, but its also not fair to me if you have no intentions on moving forward in the relationship and youre just stringing me on).
Have you guys ever had to give your s/o an ultimatum? Do you think i'm overracting?
 I need advice😔
UPDATE: Thank you ladies for your advice.❤  I definitely will be taking it all into thought when it comes to deciding whether or not to give him the ultimatum or just leave. 
I should have stated that we've been together since we were in highschool, started off as best friends then became bf/gf so although giving him the option of marriage or calling it quits its going to be extremely hard,  theres just so much behind it😞💔  my mind and heart is all over the place ☹

Answer

I would of left years ago but that’s just me.

Answer

I was with my ex for 4 years & in the start it great. We talked about the future all the time - kids, marriage etc. Then about 2 and a half years in i wanted to move forward.. I wanted to get married. He was in the army, he was always gone, he was working on getting a posting back in his home province which would relocate me from my friends and family. I didnt wanna be a "military girlfriend" anymore, always waiting for him to come home. Then he stopped talking about it, and he would keep saying "idunno" or "I'll do it when I'm ready too" so I left it. A few months later he was sent to the other side of the country for training for 9 months. During the first 6 months he came home twice. The last time he came home he went and seen his buddy who's a "player" (32 and sleeping with anyone and everything) he came back the next day saying he didnt want kids and that he didnt know if he wanted marriage. I kept making ultimatums like "we dont need an official marriage, just a wedding & some type of commitment" or "I cant have kids anyways (I have pcos and fertility issues) so we don't need to worry about that" he agreed and he went on our way. But then it hit me that I do want those things and when I tried to end it he would say no maybe I will want that maybe I will want kids just give it time. So i agreed.
We didnt make it too 9 months because he cheated on me while he was out there 😑 (a month and a half after that conversation) his excuse was "everything was perfect, you were perfect, I just couldnt move forward with the things you wanted so I found myself an excuse to leave" 
- moral is. You can be the perfect person. The best girlfriend in all the ways. But sometimes were just not THAT persons perfect someone. & that's okay. It doesnt make anything wrong with you.. it just means there will be someone else that is your perfect person who's perfect with you.
If you want marriage, and a family & he doesnt... especially after 10 years. That's a sign to leave. You can not make someone change unfortunately, even if we want to so badly. Have a deep conversation with you & ask him if those are things if he really wants or not. & if it's no than decide If you are willing to go without, if not than you know your answer 💕 
Btw, I met my perfect someone a month later. I am currently 18 weeks pregnant with our first baby girl & I couldnt be happier. Things do work out & I am so happy I didnt give up my "dreams" of marriage and children for someone who wasnt my perfect person.

Answer

I've seen tons of different scenarios like this so I'll share my personal experience.
I was with my ex for 9 years. We started dating at 16. We were never engaged but always talked about what our wedding would be like, when we'd have kids, how we'd go about our life, etc etc. He always entertained the idea but nothing ever happened. Eventually I started to get antsy and would wonder, when is he going to propose? Everyone around us was getting married and starting families.He kept telling me eventually.
Long story short; he sat me down one day and told me out of the blue that he wanted marriage and kids - but not with me. He had started seeing someone behind my back (NOT saying this is what's happening), she instantly moved in after I moved out (literally that next week) and about 8 months later he proposed to her and they are now married.
After 4 months of being in my current relationship, my fiance told me he wants to marry me. He proposed 5 months later. He would marry me any given day of the week if I let him. I'm okay with waiting because, marriage is a big deal! But this man has made it known that a future with me is all he wants. I will never have to second guess it.
If this man does not want the same things as you, please move on and do not waste your time waiting around for him to decide. I know it's hard starting over after that long but I promise it gets easier and will be worth it. Life is way too short.

Answer

Have you asked him why he's so adverse to marriage? What does it mean to him? What is he giving up? 
Tell him you care for him but you can't give up on your dreams. Ask him what he'd do if he were in your place. Be prepared to explain what marriage means to you. 
Walking away will be difficult, but personal standards are important. 
There are some guys who will eventually give in and marry the woman they're with, but it is much more beautiful to marry a man who can't wait to marry you. Someone who wants to show their devotion, wants to announce it to the world that they love you above all else. 
You deserve that kind of love.

Answer

At this point I would leave. Seriously... 10 years and no engagement?? Nothing? I honestly think giving him the ultimatum won’t change his feelings it will just pressure him to do something that he doesn’t want to do then he may resent you later for that. I would just say 
“Listen ___ we have been together for 10 years and we have not gotten anywhere. Not engaged, no family, nothing. I’m not okay with this. I feel as though I’m wasting my time. I want to be a wife. I want to be a mother. I want a family. I feel like you don’t want that nor are you willing to give me that in the 10 years we have been together. I think we should go our own ways, because it’s clear we want different things.” 
And I’d leave it at that. If he truly cares he will respond with “let’s do this. Let’s get married.” Etc.. this is just how I would handle the situation.

Answer

I’ve seen that overall, relationships that go this long without concrete plans for major movement (marriage, babies, etc) do not last. Are there exceptions? Absolutely. But 10 years and NOTHING? The amount of time spent in a relationship is not necessarily indicative of the quality of the relationship... I wasted 8 years in a “placeholder” relationship that was never going to progress. 
I usually don’t agree with ultimatums but this is kind of getting ridiculous. You want marriage and children, he said he wanted it too, financially you’re in a food place and you’ve been together 10 years. There’s literally no reason to not move forward. I’d do the same thing you’re doing

Answer

Being a wife or the mother of his kids wont make him love you 
My husband and childrens father still cheated on me 
Remember 
You cant make anyone commit to you 
Do yourself a favor and leave

Answer

My husband and I got married after only 5 months of dating and a week of being engaged. We were friends for 6 years beforehand, so we knew what we were getting into. If he does not want to take the next step after 10 YEARS of dating then I would for sure leave. No ultimatum. You don’t want a forced marriage. He could want you, but just not want you enough. That’s not a you problem, that’s a him problem. You deserve someone who cannot live wothout you because you are perfect for them. Not someone who wants you but doesn’t want to commit to you. You WILL find that person. The key is to take the leap even if you’re scared. Security is nice, but a relationship where you both love and want each other equally, and where you have similar goals?? That’s the best. ❤️

Answer

Did I read this right?? - you aren’t living together after 10 years?? It’s one thing to be mad at no marriage commitment, but no house together, no decorating, deciding on furniture, no shutting over who gets the left or right side of the bed??? 
I wouldn’t give him an ultimatum. He’s made it clear that he’s not commit-ready with you. 
I hope you can find someone who will love you tremendously and know immediately that they want the same dreams, goals and future as you do. 
I am so sorry you have to feel like you need to make an ultimatum with him. Like many others have said, just because he will agree to marry you doesn’t mean it’s the right way to do it. I hope you find someone who you don’t have to give an ultimatum to. 
Best of luck Darlin xoxoxo

Answer

Good for you.
I gave my boyfriend at the time now husband two years to propose. if in  two years he didn't propose we would have been breaking up because I knew what I wanted and I wasn't going to waste my time. There is a saying if they don't know by the second year it's time to let them go.
we also got married in two years.

Have you ever had to give an ultimatum?

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