Feel so alone

I feel really alone and I don’t have any close friends. I got really embarrassed on a college trip and now I don’t want to go back to church. Everyday is a struggle and I cry multiple times a day for messing things up because I cried in front of everyone on that trip and acted so stressed out. i didn’t get any sleep on that trip and I think I looked crazy. I don’t think I can do this. I am so lonely and I feel like everyone there thinks I’m a freak. The pastors wife knows things about me that I really didn’t want her to know about getting taken advantage of a few times and I wasnt completely honest with her about some things and I just don’t want to be. I don’t want to talk about that kind of stuff with her. It was supposed to be private. But I didn’t tell her the whole truth and I feel like a terrible person for keeping things from her. I don’t even know why she talked to me I just don’t want to be me.