Update: I have done checklists in the past. She does very well with them for a few weeks and then stops. Also I have been VERY gentle with it in the beginning and told her I didnt want others to talk about her or not want to be around her so I was trying to tell her so no one else will. Also I know it's not just me bc my husband loses it anytime shes around. I dont discuss this situation with him at all so I know he is not influenced by me on this. I xouldnt imagine anyone else approaching me on it as we dont live near family and it would be rude of anyone else. I had the prepuberty talk with her too bc another thing I hadnt mentioned is if the toilet paper is out, she wont ask for someone to bring it, she just wont wipe qnd panties look gross af. I find myself throwing them away most times. So there are many things. She recently started her cycle and I just want her to clean. I have been very gentle with her. Despite the rant. I get frustrated bc even if I just tell her to go wash up she will argue with me? I didn't tell her she stinks I just said you need to go freshen up so why are you arguing that you dont? My daughter is very mature in all other ways. So that's why this is bothering me. She is very girlie and when she finally does notice her stench she will just spray perfume over it. I get it shes a kid we all had to learn some home but I'm just at a loss. It's really bad.

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My 11yr daughter has poor hygiene. She is so lazy she hates to shower and she STILL forgets to put deodorant on. She has needed to wear deodorant since she was like 7. And when she was young I didnt mind telling her to put deodorant on and she didnt mind showering but as shes getting older and the NEED is greater she is just so lazy and I get so annoyed STILL having to remind her to put deodorant on. She smells horrible. 5mins it of the shower and I can tell that she didnt put deodorant on. When I ask to confirm what I can already smell she always says "oh I forgot". Its so annoying and frustrating. When I talk to her about her hygiene and how she needs to do better she just cries. If I tell her she needs to shower bc she smell musty, she argues that shes not musty. Like when she walks in a room, I can smell her before i see her. I dont see how she can passionate argue that she doesnt smell or need to shower. In the car, you can smell her as soon as she gets in. The smell is so strong I often wonder if it's me and start to smell myself in confusion. Once she gets out of the car, the smell dies and then it confirms that it was in fact her. There are more issues with her hygiene but she just cries anytime I try to talk to her. When I was 9 my mom neglected us and we had no one to care for us enough to teach us about hygiene. When my dad who lived in another state, heard of our situation he came to get us and it was a process trying to get custody. I remember one time he picked me up from school and he said "is that you smelling like that?" I knew I was musty but the people that we lived with didnt care to supply product for us we didnt even have bras. I had limited clothes and wore winter clothes in the hot California weather and walked over 3 miles to school every day. Anyways I was really embarrassed when my dad told me i smelled so I understand my my daughter gets upset when I talk to her, even though I approach her gently. My dad took me to get deodorant and bras and I made damn sure I never stunk again. So its frustrating that me telling my daughter that she smells horrible doesnt impact her enough to change. I have even finally lost it on her because it's so ridiculous. When she goes with friends and comes back I can smell her and I just get so embarrassed. Her saying she doesnt smell anything annoys me more than anything. I think it's pure laziness. She will go days without a shower if no one tells her to take a shower. I contribute everything to laziness but at this point I'm wondering if she needs a clinical prescription? this shit is out of control and I'm over it! Help!! any tips of advice??