I just don’t even know how to feel right now.

I was pregnant, now I’m not. Just like that it feels like something’s been stolen from me. How can I of loved and miss something I’ve never physically touched?

My husband and I have been trying since June of 19 to have a baby. I had my IUD removed and we’ve been so excited to start a family together. I have two other boys and this would be our first. Trying and testing is the worst part. Finally I threw my hands up and said I’m going to stop stressing over and it.... and my next cycle I was two days late. Could that of really worked? We were so excited when I tested and got two beautiful pink lines. The next day I took a clear blue and it said pregnant. We were over the moon. But all that joy would quickly come to a halt. Last Friday night I started bleeding pretty heavy. I immediately bust into tears. We gather our things and head to the hospital. Doctor gives me a pregnancy test and it was like slow motion he said “Your pregnancy test was negative” At this point I’m so confused, and want to know, NEED to know how this could happen. He says he’s going to run blood work to see what’s going on. A hour later he tells me that I was pregnant but my fertilized egg somehow detached and my body consumed it and the bleeding was my regular period. He called it a blighted ovum. I literally died in that moment. He was super quick to discharge me after that moment.

I collect myself and I go home, feeling like my body has failed me. This has never happened to me before. I only bled heavy that Saturday and now is only when I wipe and is brown. It’s definitely not my regular period like the dr said. Will my body just pass this all on its own? Can he tell it was a blighted ovum without giving me a ultrasound? Does this mean I possibly can’t get pregnant?

I’m just sitting here in my grief alone with so many questions. My husband acts like it can be sept under the rug, we can just try again. The night it happened I texted my sister and told her I wasn’t pregnant anymore and she left me on read. Not one person asked me if I’m okay. Is it okay to not be okay?