Baby won't let me give up on her

I just wanted to share my story thats giving me hope today, and a reminder about how truly amazing the bond between baby and mother is:

I've been having some difficulty with breastfeeding--my baby girl is 6 days old and very shallow on her latch. We've been working on it and getting better, but when she gets frustrated, she just starts bobbing and pulling away; if she latches, she'll pull back until she's on the the nipple tip (causing shooting pains in my nerves down to my fingertips). I've been pumping to keep my supply up and provide bottles for my husband to feed/bond too, but sometimes I've had to top her off with a bottle because she's just not getting enough. I've considered just throwing in the towel altogether on breastfeeding, despite really wanting to make it work.

Tonight when we tried, she started panicking so I calmed her and repositioned but she kept bobbing off, getting upset, and relatching shallow until I was crying. I tried the other breast and she took it for only 5 minutes (she's been averaging 25 min. per breast).

I was exasperated at this point and experiencing a lot of pain and shame--cursing my flat nipples, scrambling to reintroduce the nipple shields we"ve been weaning off, and ultimately resigned myself to fixing up a bottle of pumped breast milk to offer up in my defeat.

As I started to feed her the bottle, I was collapsing inside and just whispering "I'm so sorry Addy..." and feeling like i let us both down. She took a drag off the perfectly-protruding silicone nipple while I silently punished myself for my faulty nipples...

After a big gulp of bottle milk, she suddenly pushed the bottle away with a grimace and turned her head towards my breast, rooting and opening wide as if to say "I'd rather have YOU!"

She latched right away and nursed strongly until she passed out, milk-drunk with little smiles flickering across her face. <3 <3

She saved me from myself in that moment, when I was ready to give up on myself but she wouldn't let me...my heart was so full!

The bottom line is this: as new moms, it's challenging, frustrating, and scary sometimes. There are so many elements weighing on us: pressure to do things perfectly, undue shame or shade or judgement we feel from an internet culture that prescribes a lot of unrealistic ideals, and feeling like we have to get things "righ" without the learning curve.

I thought breastfeeding would "come naturally" and when it didnt, I took it personally. Tonight though, my little one put things into perspective with one significantly kind gesture by encouraging me to not give up.

This is the magic of motherhood. And this is one satisfied baby girl