Why do I feel guilty?

Question

I left my husband 2 weeks ago because I found out he had an affair (I think he still is with this woman). 2 nights ago I signed up for match.com. I’m really not looking for a serious relationship right now, I know I’m nowhere near ready for that, but I guess I just want to see what’s out there and probably build my self esteem (I guess?) by seeing there’s still guys interested in me. My husbands cheating and the past year of our relationship left me feeling very unattractive and not very confident.
A bunch of guys have messaged me, but I haven’t replied to any because I feel so guilty 😭
I know I shouldn’t feel like that, right? Is it too soon to even casually date? I feel like I’m betraying my husband, even though I already spoke to a lawyer to get the divorce process started.

Answer

There’s no timeline. You do what feels right for you. After a long relationship ended for me it was reassuring to know that men were interested in me and eventually helped me move on. You deserve better than that. Good luck to you! ❤️

Answer

There isn't anything wrong with just getting online to remind yourself that you're desirable. I did the same thing when I left my ex. Within days. I messaged a couple people back once or twice. But never met with anyone. I got what I needed from it and was off it within a week. Now strictly focused on myself and what my son needs. 
Do what you need to make things easier. Nothing wrong with talking to people. You may just find a much needed friend.

Answer

If I was in your shoes I would be taking time to heal and work on myself inside and out. Worth is not found in another man it’s found in yourself. A man doesn’t complete you or define you, you complete yourself and define yourself. Learn to love yourself. Life is what you make it, if you aren’t happy, you change what you can and what you can’t change, you learn to love, accept and embrace yourself flaws and all. Take time to heal before you move on otherwise you just end up sabotaging your own happiness either blaming the new for what the ex did and that’s not fair to either of you. And no do not feel guilty. He abandoned the relationship a long time ago. You have done nothing wrong. You are not together. You have to be careful with online dating. So many scammers and cat fishing out there happened to me once, never again. Ended up being some Nigerian scammer. The guy had a picture of a white guy. Sounded like a hallmark movie, said all the right things. I got sucked in. My best friend busted him with photo programs all of them were photo shopped. Even his fake son. That he was an engineer. The dude still randomly tries to add me on face book and I’ve blocked him so many times from different numbers. You are better off alone than in bad company. You deserve better. Take some time to heal. Do all the things that you have ever wanted to do. Change your hair. Pamper yourself. Travel. Bucket list things. Anything he never let you do or you always wanted to. Life is ahead of you. Enjoy it to the fullest. Don’t ever feel guilty for anything towards him. He’s a piece of crap. You deserve happiness. Happiness comes from within. Always remember that the size of your pants or the number on the scale or a man by your side etc doesn’t define who you are or happiness, you do. Work on yourself and take it one day at a time. Seek counseling if you need to. Rebuild the person you were one brick at a time. Forgive yourself and learn not to be so hard on yourself. Forgive him, not to his face, but to yourself, not because he deserves it, but because you deserve peace within. Don’t let him steal your happiness or sunshine. Don’t let him win. He can kiss your ass. You have no reason to feel guilty or to feel like a victim. You are victorious, you are a warrior and you will win this battle and come out stronger than ever before. Find new ways to channel your feelings like journaling or screaming into a pillow or yoga or exercise or self affirmation etc. it’s ok to have feelings and to express them. I’m sure you have millions of thoughts and feelings. You will go through the stages of grief much like death because the relationship has died. But it will make you stronger in the end. You’ve got this. You will figure it out one day at a time.

Answer

I personally think it is WAY too early to be dating. You have some heavy baggage that needs to be dealt with. Even in casual dating you won’t be able to meet another persons needs when you haven’t met your own. I think you’re going to be very hurt and stressed trying to jump into the dating pool this early. I know that I took an excessive amount of time to feel ready, so I was on the other end of the spectrum. Anyway, I hope you heal and are able to give 100% when you get back out there. Good luck!

Why do I feel guilty?

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