Do not ever settle for your life OR your love!

I was 22 years old, engaged, pregnant and already had one child. My relationship was emotionally abusive and awful. I still remember the phone call I was on one day with a friend. She said to me “if you’re so unhappy and he treats you so bad, why are you still there”. My answer was simple (at least in my head). I said to her, “well he doesn’t physically beat me and I already am pregnant and I don’t work so ya know things are just easier if I stay”. I remember crying myself to sleep every night after I put my son to bed. I remember dreading 1 pm because my ex was off work and would be headed home and that’s when the nightmare would begin.

I remember believing I could never do better. That I’d never be able to move out or try again with my life. I remember being broken and beaten down emotionally. Hating myself so much I couldn’t even look in the mirror. Have you ever avoided your own reflection because all you saw was shame? That was me. I was ashamed of myself. Ashamed that I stayed so long. Ashamed that this relationship held me captive.

I remember when he started to emotionally abusive my son (that was not his child.) my son was only 4 years old. He would tell him that he’ll never be anything and that he’s an awful child and hopes that “our” new son is nothing like him. Ladies, I’ve never left a man quicker. That was unfortunately the strength I needed. That’s what it took for me to leave because at the end of the day I didn’t love myself. But I loved my son, I loved him enough to never let someone abuse him. I loved him enough to leave with nothing but the clothes on our back, but be free anyway. When I left, my ex’s words still rung in my mind. How no one would want me. How I’d never be anything. How I’ll never be successful. For months I believed him. But slowly I started to recover my strength.

Well, here I am. Two years later, married (HAPPILY!!!), with my two sons that adore their step father, and a new baby on the way. A brand new car, a house that I OWN, enough money in savings to last us at least a year or so without working at all, but most importantly happiness. Something I went without with my ex. Something I thought if never have and learned to be okay with not having. I am happy. Like actually happy. And everyday almost I think back to my life two years ago and thank God that I had the strength to leave. That I had the strength to finally break free of my chains. So ladies (and men), please don’t settle. Please don’t believe the lies that you can’t make it alone. It won’t be easy. Actually it’s insanely hard, but oh God is it worth it. It’s so worth it...

Boyfriend asked me to clean