Don’t you ever imagine dying from driving, sickness or anything that would cause death really(except suicidal doings)? And if you do, Is that a normal thing?

It’s more of when you get into a fight with someone that you feel doesn’t appreciate you. You feel that they think you don’t do shit and take you for granted. You start asking, “What if this instant, I die... like from a car crash or someone killing me while there’s a robbery going on, would they start appreciating what I do on a daily basis? When they start doing what I do cause I’m no longer there to do it for them.”. It’s whatever really.

Then you glimpse on his chubby cute soft face. He’s sleeping. I know he can’t talk right now but he definitely knows what I do for him, for his dad and for other people for that matter. All my thoughts of “I’ve been taken for granted” just start to fade. I realize that those thoughts shouldn’t even cross my head. I’m the only one he trust fully and rely on. It’s the most precious thing in the world. Your child shouldn’t keep scores or points of what you do for them. They’re entitled for that and we’re responsible for them.

I love you boo! I’m really sorry if it crosses my mind to die. Right when the idea of “when I die, you lose me”, I snap out of it. You’re the number one reason why I have to be here, in this cruel but beautiful world. I have to be strong, I have to be present and be the best parent I can be for you my darling. You make everything worth it.

You are the only one who can take me for granted.